just one deep heart..

Good Friday.

2010-01-01T13:27:00.006+08:00

I spontaneously started the first day of '10 with breakfast at Coffee Bean with Manz and the guys. Doesnt feel that much of a difference when you compare it with other days. I'll be off to makam in a bit but before that Ive got some time to work on this meme.

Friday 5 for January 1st.

1. What’s something that’s better when the newness has worn off?
- Genuine brown leather which turns into a beautiful shade of caramel along with time. Leather gets better with age. Also well kept timeless handbags, like vintage Chanel pieces are forever exquisite.

This brown crocodile one is very classy and it definitely shows a sense of taste and luxury preference.

These two pieces are in a size and style that can be worn at any age and time in one's life. I personally love the clutch, it has an edge that calls for notice. Oh i just love speaking my mind out about designer pieces, believe me I'd always have something to say about any piece I see. My sisters would know that much hehe The reason I love HB magazines :)

2. What’s something you already own that could stand to be replaced by the newer version?
- My mobile phone. Im pretty careless with it, keeps dropping on the floor.

3. What’s something that was better before someone made it “new and improved?”
- Mobile technology: Touch screen phones don't work for me. Advanced but such a hassle. I still prefer those with the classic or qwerty keypads.

4. Of geographic locations whose names begin with the word “new,” which seems like the most interesting place to visit?
- Definitely New Delhi. It'd be amusing to witness the culture and way of life there.

5. On what date will 2010 no longer feel like the new year?
- End of it of course, December.

This really is something new..

2009-12-31T23:08:00.004+08:00

Time has ticked its way to 2010. A new year, a new start for some to look forward to. For me and for my family, it not only marks a new year, but a first big occasion celebrated in a different light with a different feeling without the head of my family, my dad.

I had not even once, thought about life being this way but it is true that once you lose a parent, your perspective on life is never the same. In this moment, I seek nothing more than his presence. I loved him, we all did. He was our father. He was the only man that raised us. He was the only man that was always there.

I remember his voice now, ever once many times teasing, endearing the little ones to him and always chuckling with laughter. I desire it right now more than ever. His presence always brought a sense of calmness, and now I can have that no more.

He is gone, a memory that will be stymied as days go by. It makes me remember, how he was the reason I faced highs and lows, yet through the worse he was always one I held dear to my heart. Each and every day, I wake up having to realize that I have lost a man who brought have the meaning of life to me. I have lost him, and nothing can diminish the pain that grows everyday.

Once I remember precisely what happened at that day, I'd cry. That whole scenario would play back in my mind and that image of him lying there kills me more than anything. I still feel guilt as my mind whispers thoughts of how I could've done something, how I should've followed my instincts and said something earlier or checked on it myself. But I also do know that its not right to live feeling that way.

I still do cry.. not only for myself, but for my younger siblings and my mom. Having to always be there to watch my mom breakdown is like watching one who has lost all sense of understanding. I have lost a father, but she has lost a husband. In my heart, I cry for her.

At times, I push myself to ignore my own thoughts just so I wont wipe more tears and feel helpless. I force myself to understand that I need to not only know better and be better for everyone else that he left behind.

Right now the pain has not quelled a bit, but I have to show a strong face for my mom and those younger than me. My mom keeps a strong face whenever she has to, although deep down I can only imagine how hard it is to lose someone she once shared her more than half her life with. I clearly see that my dad was all she had, he was her pillar of patience and protection. Without him, its as if losing her direction in life. I know that her grief will always be with her, but I do hope that her pain slowly subsides along with time for it to get easier.

All I can do to help is to show her that I am willing to stand alongside her and be her and my family's source of strength or protection in times of trouble.

As for myself, its been more than a month now since he's gone. Tears will always be there whenever I come realizing how I will never see him again. He lives on though. He was a great man, kind and generous, a good man. I would disappoint myself if I did not honor him for ever spoke of this matter for who he was to me.

I honor him now as I watch out for my mother and treasure her presence even more. That's the best thing I could do to repay all his deeds to me. After all, she is all I have left. I do hope that devoting more of my time to her would illustrate the respect I have for my father. His memory is preserved in my heart.

So what do I do with myself now onwards? Here I am, still a student at university studying something I never thought of doing before. The man who was the driving force for what I’m doing is gone. My dad was a strong believer in education. So I'll finish this one the best way I can and i've somehow got to figure out how to be the person he'd want all of us to be.

Anyway, Happy New Year to you reading this. I wish you and your loved ones happiness and longevity. xoxo

Something for Love

2009-03-13T00:14:00.006+08:00

My Current Mood:

Just a few things to say about someone i really miss..

If there's anyone that knows how to make me unbelievably happy, its you.. I cant put into words how much you mean to me. The beautiful moments we've had together keeps me close to you.. i can never forget how you'd try to make me laugh when i wanna get mad, or how goofy you get when you want to see me smile.. or the way you kiss my forehead and often whisper you love me.. all of these thoughts have me longing to be with you again.

No matter the distance, you still make my heart race.. I know it can get hard at times when we feel the need to be with each other, but knowing that eventually we'd get to be together even more and closer to our dreams, makes it all worthwhile.

I miss you most of the time.. but i'll break down the time into small chunks and look on the bright side knowing that everyday that passes is a day closer to seeing you..

I love you soooooooo much.. and i hope you're smiling when you read this :) Get well soon handsome.. *hugs tight*

Thursday Thunks

2009-03-11T23:24:00.005+08:00

My Current Mood:

1. You are walking down the road and you look down. There is a bug. Do you step on it?
No. No one should, i would just let the harmless creature be.

2. What is one fantasy that you want to come true more than any other?
To live a different life in another country, id change almost everything and only choose a few things to keep same.

3. Someone knocks on your door. Do you look out the window to see who it is before you open it? Do you open it regardless of who it is?
If its my bedroom door, then id ask who's knocking before i open up.

4. Have you ever eaten Play Doh?
No, but i had this cool french fries maker by Play Doh once and the yellow fries it made, had me tempted.

5. What was your favorite Saturday morning cartoon as a child and why?
The Jetsons. Im fascinated by the idea of a modern future like that.

6. Are you a "people watcher"?
I do tend to observe more than i speak..

7. I have a bowl of fruit. There are apples, oranges & pears. You help yourself to one - which one do you choose?
Those three are the least i like but if i had to pick, id go for soft sweet pears.

8. What is your biggest pet peeve in the blogging world?
Anonymous rude comments.

9. What is one religion that you could just never see yourself joining?
This might come as a sensitive question.. so no comment.

10. What word do you use far too often?
"Really?.."

11. How long do you spend in the shower?
About 10-15 minutes. Too long, id end up with pruney fingers.

12. If you were to write a personal ad about yourself, what would it say?
At the moment.. "Broken: Open for Heart Repairs"

13. Your favorite flavor of soup is....?
Cream of Garlic Soup at Spaghettini restaurant.

14. You are sitting on a bench in the park and a bug walks in front of your feet.... do you squash him?
No, again as said before, no one should if unharmed.

Ang pag-ibig at pasakit ay iisa..

2009-03-11T05:19:00.002+08:00

Its 5 in the morning and im not asleep yet.. With certain thoughts on my mind, i dont know when i can rest well. I keep asking myself, bakit ba ang sakit magmahal?..

No answers but maybe, in loving someone, kasama talaga ang emotion na masasaktan ka.. however, loving is the most wonderful and amazing feeling one can experience. Ironic isnt it..

Its been three weeks, truthfully ang hirap-hirap para sa akin na wala siya dito. Masakit.. especially kapag may problema but wala siya by my side.. and hindi kami nag- uusap. All i can do is silently cry at night. I keep telling myself na, kakayanin ko ito because i know how great it feels kapag nandito siya. Mahal na mahal ko siya kasi... sobra :_(

I guess its just a part of it.. Maghihintay na lang ako til it all goes away, i just wish na nandito siya to hold me and make me feel alright..

~Track~
(click to listen/download)

Adele- Feel My Love

My favorite song at the moment.. she sang it well.

Grandpa's 80th Birthday

2009-03-09T14:55:00.009+08:00

It was my grandfather's 80th birthday two days ago and we had an extended family gathering to celebrate the special occasion. There were several performances which included a magic show, jugglers and a singing act by my little sisters. I enjoyed the lucky draw but the number i had been given wasnt called out, so lady luck didnt sprinkle her dust on me that night.. boohoo. Some in my family won electrical appliances and stuff, good for them. Anyway, i hope my granddad enjoyed the celebration and i wish him more happy years to come. *i love you nini*

Here are some pictures taken that night. Below, there's Grandpa in the middle alongside mom and dad.

The little rascal Armando Alejandro Estrada and big-eyed Baby Batrisya :)

Me with mom and Arman.

Batrisya having a lotta fun with her balloon. She's so cute!; (bottom) Manzy and myself.

2009-03-08T14:53:00.003+08:00

1. How old do you look?
I'd like to think younger than my years.. hehe

2. Where do you live?
Gadong, Brunei.

3. Are you waiting for something?
Yes, time to keep ticking and get the next 8 months over with.

4. What’s one pet peeve of yours that is not common?
Someone taking food from my plate while im eating or taking a sip of my drink before i say yes.

5. Do you want/have kids?
Oh yes please.. i love them.

6. Have you ever thought about converting your religion?
Not even once.

7. Last shocking news you heard?
I cant say it here..

8. What was the last thing you drank?
Water.

9. Who do you most look like in your family?
No one.. but id like to think theres someone out there i resemble but dont know yet back in the p.islands.

10. If you could have something right now, anything, what would it be?
A plane ticket to SG.

11. Where does most of your family live?
With me.

12. Where did you grow up?
Brunei.

13. Where do you want to go on vacation?
Italy.

14. Have you ever had a panic attack?
Only little ones, especially when it involves time running out.

15. What can’t you wait for?
A beautiful future.

16. When’s the last time you told someone you loved him or her and meant it?
This morning.

17. Have your parents ever smoked pot?
Hahaha that'd be a record.

18. Want someone back in your life?
Yes.

19. What do you order at the bar?
Sushi lol.

20. When was the last time you cried really, really hard?
Two nights ago before i slept.

21. Ever licked someone’s cheek?
Err.. no why would i..

22. What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?
Nutella. A power combo on hot toast :)

23. Where were you on July 4th, 2008?
I dont remember..

24. What are your nicknames?
Nicknames? Well these are the names people around me use: Amz, Alma, Bum, Sleeping Beauty, Omelette, Ka Am and Kaka Cantik..

25. If you could go back in time, how far back would you go?
2003.. and id erase a few things out of my life.

Thursday Thunks

2009-03-05T15:19:00.004+08:00

1. This cat- Link- scary or cute?
The picture of this cat really surprised me.. i found it to be more of scary.. not at all cute.. it s strange features seriously scared me.

2. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes reproducing again. Good idea or don't care?
As long as their happy. Its their business and no one else's.

3. Do you smile at strangers when you make eye contact?
No. I dont like it when strangers make too much eye contact without even saying anything. It makes me very uncomfortable.

4. What percentage of your sarcasm isn't really sarcasm at all?
99.9% of it.. Its a rare trait, which i like the least.

5. If you were to be a dog breed, which breed would you be?
A cute White Bichon dog. Honestly, i find them very adorable and can only wish to have one as a pet.. sigh~

6. Go grab the closest book. Open up to page 27. Whats the 4th sentence?
"Looking for revenge is just looking for trouble". Selwa Anthony- 'Suceed With Me' given to me by Sam.

7. When's the last time someone put one over on you, told you a story that you totally fell for when it wasn't anywhere near true?
I cant remember. Well i try avoid people who are 'all talk' so im never around them to hear their stories..

8. Ever seen Michael Jackson in person?
Yes at a concert.

9. Do you have a gut?
No.. and i hope i never will. Thats where exercise has to come in.

10. What is one thing in your kitchen you have too many/too much of?
Plates and grains of rice.

11. Ever had a colon cleansing?
Colon cleansing.. Does detox count?..

Wednesday Wierdness

2009-02-25T21:49:00.007+08:00

1.) You're on a trip taking a tour through the jungle. You have a backpack with some food, some first aid supplies, a pocket knife, a flashlight and a couple bottles of water. Some how, you get separated from your group. By night fall you haven't found your group and haven't heard them looking for you. How long do you think you would be able to survive on your own?
I might be able to survive on my own, the question is, how long would i stay sane. lol!

2.) Do you think it's okay to lie to spare someone's feelings? Why?
Well only if its nothing too serious. Else, its best to tell the truth, then follow that up with something that will make them feel better. Id still choose to tell the truth and if it hurts, offer them comfort.

3.) If a talking doll of you were made, what are THREE phrases it would say?
- i miss you.
- i love you.
- come home soon.

4.) If the super power to be able to read minds at your own will were possible, do you think it would be... cool and helpful, intrusive and wrong, manipulative or maddening? Explain why you would or wouldn't want to be able to read anyone's mind at your own will.
Intrusive and wrong. Id be miserable worrying about the things that id know by that. Such powers should only be left to God.

5.) Drunk confessions, are they the things people can't bring themselves to say sober or just crazy ramblings of an influenced and intoxicated mind?
Both, but the former is usually the case i guess.. i wouldn't know to be honest.

6.) What brings out the worst in you?
Rude impolite people. I wont stand holding back from saying anything if i happen to hear or witness them bother and offend anyone i care about.

7.) Do you think long distance relationships work? Have you ever been in one before?

I've never been in one up until now. Its different for me this time around and although new to it, i'm somehow quite sure ill do fine. I know now that it all depends on the depth of love and feelings involved. Only that would determine the strength of fidelity in a long distance relationship. It is really hard, no doubt about that. But we constantly remind each other of how great its been for us and look forward to whats ahead with excitement. Keeping in touch often throughout each day keeps us closer and solid. So answer is, yes. But it needs both people wanting it to really last.
You know, ive never looked at the calendar as much as i've been now because of it! lol. Counting time, i miss you...

Always yours, faithfully.

Friday Fill-ins

2009-02-20T11:09:00.003+08:00

1. Give me a ticket to Singapore right now and I'll be thanking you forever.

2. Whenever life gets hard, take a breather and go at it again. Just try a little harder each time and never never never give up!

3. I wish for things to be different most of the time.

4. A slice of heavenly carrot cake was the last thing I ate that was utterly delicious.

5. To live in this world you need a tough and patient heart.

6. Other than this one, another meme player's site is the last blog I commented on.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to helping my sister Manz bake some white chocolate cheesecake, tomorrow my plans include going through a dental extraction surgery *damn wisdom tooth* and Sunday, I want to be home and have some good creamy soup!

Thanks for dropping by. Have a nice weekend readers! :)

2009-02-19T09:51:00.003+08:00

1. What brand & flavor of toothpaste do you use?
Colgate and sometimes Sensodyne.

2. What is your earliest memory?
Performing at a pre-school concert at the age of 3-4.. Any memory of whatever was before had vanished.

3. Hot Dogs or Hamburgers?
Oh i love both, but il go with burgers, only because right now i have this Burger King swiss cheese with mushroom one in mind.. *drool*

4. If you could bring any one famous person back to life, who would it be?
Audrey Hepburn and see what she'd wear at this kinda time..

5. What is one thing we would always find in your fridge... what one thing would we never find?
i always have chocolate.. but never full cream milk.

6. Did you have to go and look for the answer of #1?
Of course not.

7. Why don't watermelons grow on trees?
They weigh too heavy for the such thin stems they have got.

8. What is something that you own that you should probably just throw in the trash, but you never will?
An empty mineral bottle i still keep because my boyfriend drew and wrote sweet things on it to me..

9. I push you into a room and lock the door. I leave you there for 6 hours. The walls are chalkboards and in the middle of the room there is a box of colored chalk. What will be written/drawn on the walls when I let you out?
The lyrics to songs id sing in my head..

10. When was the last time you changed the oil on your car?
I dont do it, someone else does.

11. In your extended family, who has been married the longest?
Probably my grandparents.. They've been together for more than 50 years.

12. Name one thing that is so normal to you now that someone who was your age 50 years ago would think was abnormal.
Body piercings i guess. Not that i have any.

13. Have you ever wanted someone or something so bad that it hurt?
Oh yes.. these make up items that were on display, and it hurt because at that moment i was broke. Someone offered to treat, but it just didnt feel right not buying it myself.

14. What do you dip your french fries in?
I dip my Mc Donald's fries in my ice-cream sundae, its either that or mint and pepper sauce.

15. What was the last picture that you took?
A picture of me and my boyfriend at the airport prior to his long departure :(

Manic Monday

2009-02-16T12:43:00.017+08:00

Of all your favorite foods, which one would you find the most difficult to give up for the rest of your life?

Freshly Fried Fries! French fries, Chilli cheese fries, Pepper shaked fries and even homemade fries.. everything about fries i love. The best side dish to any meal.

Which month of the year do you thing best describes your personality?
August- Observant, careful and cautious, thinks quickly, independent thoughts, romantic, loving and caring.

If you could be a contestant on any game show, past or present, which show would you pick?

It'd be Fun House for the fun obstacle course of collecting tokens, racing on the go kart track.

Crystal Maze for the thrill of catching blown up money in a crystal dome.

Who wants to be a Millionnaire? for that million dollar prize.

And Stylista for meeting important people in the fashion industry and getting a peek into the life of a fashion magazine editor.

2009-02-11T20:39:00.003+08:00

1. If you were to be reincarnated as an inanimate object, what would you choose to come back as?
Id be a trophy.. preferably the World Cup trophy, so everyone on earth would want to win me.. lol.

2. If you were told that you would be equipped with the perfect comeback to any remark, but it would cost you five years of your life would you take it?
A comeback is not worth five years of my life, i can do so much more by shutting up! Silence can be powerful too you see.

3. What would be the most shocking thing your mom could have ever told you?
That she has picked someone for me. Na-ah, never gonna happen!

4. If you could spend 24 hours as the opposite gender, what would you do?
I'd spend three bucks on having my head shaved.

5. Describe the ugliest outfit you have ever worn in public.
Thank goodness ive never been dragged into public in anything i wouldnt want to wear. Plus, mom dressed me well since i was young, lucky me.

6. Do you like to celebrate Valentine's Day or do you wish you could magically pouf it from the calendar? If you did, what holiday would you invent to put in its place?
Its nice that theres a day reminding people of love, romance and all that sort. But why cant everyday be like that? I'd pouf it and replace it with World's Free Day. Where everything on earth is free for grabs in just one day. That would be interesting, seeing chaotic greed all around.

2009-02-09T18:11:00.005+08:00

Click to play. Good Monday.

What is your favorite candy?
I love chewy candy, especially in the flavor of watermelon, strawberry, grape or wild cherry. Which is why id always pick the red and purple ones first out of the colorful lot. Red and Purple Skittles and Gummi Bear Candy is something i can never resist. Yummm~

Name one thing that you'd want to receive as a gift for Valentine's day.
On valentine's day, i'd wish for my boyfriend to tell me that he's not going to get on a plane and leave for national service training the very next day and be gone for months! noooooo... :(

Can we truly love someone who loves another?
It hurts a lot to be in such a position. In my opinion, if the person you love, does not love you as much as you deserve to be, then your love is meant to be for someone else who can love you better. There's always someone for everyone, some people are just lucky enough to find them.

I love Fridays for this! :)

2009-02-06T23:19:00.003+08:00

Playing just before midnight.

1. Please don't tell me that i should stop spending on things that i like baby :P

2. Can you wake me up to the smell of peanut butter toasts in the morning?

3. The color yellow makes me want to jump for joy!

4. I have a craving for Dairy Queen's green tea ice cream topped with brownies.

5. If my life had a pause button, I'd pause it everytime i'm in my baby's arms.

6. Eyes are the perhaps the only witness to physical beauty as well as the main medium of its deception.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to watching more episodes of How I Met Your Mother, tomorrow my plans include welcoming the return of half the family and Sunday, I want to get on a plane and fly to Greece!

Have a pleasant weekend everyone! :)

Thirteen Questions

2009-02-05T10:50:00.006+08:00

Yay :)! More packages arrived today in the mail. I think online shopping is bad and addictive but im really loving it. lol! I finally received the cutest baby pink onesie, i ordered from a store in Sunderland that sells official football merchandise and thought it would be a great gift for this little girl im adoring more n more; my boyfriend's niece. I cant wait to see it on her one day. And i delighted myself by a treat too. Another sweatshirt, this time its pink n has got these little monkeys with smiley faces. Makes me happy looking at them :) I thought it'd take a lot longer, as my initial order that arrived from Florida, took about more than 3 weeks. But thanks to Krislyn in Indiana for such fast shipment! :)

Last night, the lovelies and i spoiled our tummy with lots of sushi. Special thanks to my generous cousin, Timz. Theres a part of me which believes that generous and thoughtful people deserve to have more in life. Kindness is something thats found in so few. That certainly gave my sisters an appetite!

Time for my Thursday Meme, play along! :)

1. What is one of your favorite blogs to read? Why is it your favorite?
Troy Jenson's blog. I love his work! Makeup and beautiful picture portraits..

2. Have you ever been hunting?
I love hunting for clothes!! lol.

3. Do you live near any active volcanos?
No, i live in a country thats not located on any volcanic zones, so i guess that makes me lucky.

4. If VH1 came out with a new reality show called Celebrity Anger Management, who would you most like to see on the show?
My mom. lol! Ok ok, celeb-wise, i guess Rosie O' Donell. She looks grumpy most of the time.

5. Would you drink horse's milk if offered?
No.. i love horses, they're beautiful creatures and drinking their milk would be weird and i bet it'd taste strange.

6. Do you buy pickles? If so, what do you do with the juice after all the pickles are gone?
I dont, the closest id get to pickles are the ones on my fastfood burgers, of which id always take out.

7. Do you have a myspace or Facebook account?

Yup, i have both. Myspace for music hunting and Facebook to keep in touch with friends.

8. Facial hair on men, yea or nay?
Yay if groomed and trimmed well, but some men look good with messy facial hair. Not all alright!!

9. Do you know anyone personally who is stockpiling stuff for WWIII or a date they think will be the end of the world (i.e. 12/2012)?
Oh no.. that would freak me out.

10. Have you downloaded Skype and use it?
Yes.. and im sure id be using it more often once my boyfriend flies off, which will be soon! *dreads it* :(

11. Have you ever been stuck by cacti?

No but ive got pricked on my fingers. They make a really bad itch.

12. Do you still have packed boxes from your last move you have yet to unpack? If so, how long have they been there?
Nope. Instead i keep filling up boxes and packing stuff away for space.

13. Ever have a toxic friend you had to break ties with to save your sanity?
Maybe. But i never considered her a friend. Toxic male acquiantances? Definitely, and still avoided!

Happy Thursday ODH readers! :)

2009-02-04T00:00:00.005+08:00

My current mood is:

Tagged by RZ.

1. Do you think your hot?
Err.. no. Though i mightve gotten that several times, its just the one adjective that i least prefer getting. There are other simpler words that would impress me more.

2. Upload a favorite picture of you.

3. Why do you like that picture?
Well i might not look my best in it, but my boyfriend took this shot and captured how happy i was being around him.. and thats the main reason i love it.

4. When was the last time you ate pizza?
My sister Iwie's birthday, we made home-made pizzas and were crazy generous on the toppings. It was good. That reminds me of pepper sauce.. *cravings up now* darn.

5. The last song you listened to?
My ringtone when my phone rang: Bobby Valentino- Stay With Me.

6. What are you doing now besides this?
Resisting myself from wanting to grab my phone and wake my boyfriend up. He had a long tiring day, but i miss him and still feel like talking much longer.

7. What name do you prefer besides yours?
Thats a secret, if i had daughters one day, u'd know.. :)

8. Tag 5 people.
i/ Fe
ii/Iwie
iii/Manz
iv/Liana
v/Gurl

9. Who is number 1?
My annoying loud mouth sistah that knows deep down that she cant live without me :P

10. Number 2 is having a relationship with who?
A lawyer in the making :)

11. Say something about number 5.
She makes me laugh all the time!! She makes a very good companion on any day, serious!

12. How about number 4?
She's brain smart and knows what she wants, which is very admirable for a lady.

13. Who is number 3?
A biology teacher that happens to be just next door and fast asleep.

TMI Tuesday

2009-02-03T14:02:00.005+08:00

My first play on TMI Tuesday. Join the fun.

1. When you sleep with someone, how much or how little contact do you like to have?
I love getting all cozy and cuddling til i fall asleep.

2. What do you think there is a appropriate amount of time for a divorce parent to date before introducing the kids to the "new" "special" person in their life?
It'd only matter if there are children involved. So id say, give it a year minimum.

3. Which ONE do you wish you had more of in bed... romance, experimentation or foreplay?
There has to be a good balance of everything, no?..

4. What do you thinks makes a kiss great?
When its filled with passion and innermost feelings are translated and felt.. Most importantly, eyes closed please! lol.

5. Describe your sex life in two words.
Oh no.. That would be way TMI!! lol.

Im down with a cold today and have been experiencing these minor headaches. I feel like theres a drum player in my brain thumping little beats every few seconds. Hope il get better soon, coz i hate being sick.

Good Tuesday peeps! :)

2009-02-02T18:22:00.003+08:00

Tagged by Liana.

☻ What do your friends call you?
~ Friends would use Amz, Amal. Closefriends would use Amzy, Bum, Daleng. My sisters would use sleeping beauty or Bum. People at home use cantik. lol! but its true.

☻ When is your birthday?
~ 23rd of August 1985.

☻ Are u a hard drinker?
~ I am a hard drinker of juice and water ONLY. Oh and im starting to love Ribena too.. :)

☻ Beauty is..
~ something that comes from within and not easily found or seen, sadly an overused word at wrong times by some.

☻ Favorite Movie.
~ I can never watch horror and thrillers. Itd make me start feeling blue and it'll last throughout my day. So i stick to Romantic Comedies and those with psychological twists and turns, without gory scenes.

☻ Provide some of your choice of number.
~ 23, 8, 56 and 37.

☻ Name some of your favorite hang outs.
~ Any place uncrowded as long as im with my boo or good friends and good company.

☻ Are you a party girl/boy?
~ I love to dance, but im not one to do an all nighter on it with drinks and smoke all around.

☻ Is there someone mad at you?
~ No one that i know of.. i hope not.. i try best not to disappoint people i care about.

☻ Name some of your friends.
~ Only a few friends, and theyre those i can trust.. but id rather not expose them here.

☻ A friend is..
~ someone you can count on sometimes but a true good friend is hard to find.

☻ What is more important? Love one? Or your Friends?
~ Both if you friends are genuine and trustworthy, those arent easy to find in people. But im lucky to have a boyfriend thats now also a best friend.

☻ Do you experience your bf/gf told you that you’re the only one? But the fact is he/she lied.
~ Yes. Unfortunately for him, he didnt realize how truth always finds a way out in the end. Im glad it did, and as the saying goes: 'Ex's are ex's for a reason.' And theres no way im going back or giving chances to a person who dared fool me. Just hopefully people like those don't go around hurting more hearts.

☻ Did a time come that you had 2 or more bf / gf?
~ No. Once im into one, im devoted.

☻ Who was the last person you dated.
~ bleurgh~ somethings crawling up my throat now.

☻ What is Love?
~ Love is a big bag of different emotions that you get from holding someone very close in your heart, from thinking of that person often and going through life with him/her by your side, in your thoughts or in your heart. A big bag that carries both happiness and sadness, smiles and tears, fun and hard times, gives you loneliness when its distant but makes you feel whole and complete when you've got it close. I can go on and on, because love is a word too big to describe..

☻ Is there any one of your exes and friends of yours whom you know are together now? who are they?
~ Oh i dont know. Again, i cant be bothered by exes.

☻ How about a message for your ex?
~ Id rather not.

☻ Say something to your bf/gf?
~ You make me feel complete.. theres no other man who can make me feel the way you do. Im lucky you're mine and i love you faithfully. Really missing you boo..

Tag 5 people.
Fe
Manz
Iwie
Ruz
Seher's Shenanigans

Randomness

2009-02-02T13:29:00.004+08:00

Manic Monday
Join here.

What's the most embarrassing song on your iPod (or music collection)?
Just Got Started Loving You- James Otto.
I dont know anyone my age here who'd like the sound of it.. this is the only country song on my iTunes. My boyfriend makes these silly Elvis-like moves and imitations with this song, that makes me roll laughing hard, i guess thats why i like it more, it reminds me of silly times with him whenever it plays.

How much time do you spend each day in your commute? (Or if you don't work outside the house, how much time do you spend in your car or other preferred mode of transportation?)
Well, i have yet to find a job before i continue studying again. I have about six months of nothing to do, can anyone employ me for anything? im serious, its so hard to get a decent job around here! lol.

What's your favorite wardrobe item and why?
My favorite wardrobe items would be my boyfriends sweater and his Tshirts. Dark nights feel warmer and safer being in them. sigh~ oh how much i miss him already.
Besides these, a favorite of my own would be simple; shorts and soft, thin over washed tshirts.

Curious As A Cat
Join here.

1) Who is the least generous friend you have?
Least generous friend, i know a few but their just being frugal to save up for themselves. Wont mention any names here, it wouldnt be nice to do so.

2) If you could change one thing about your typical day, what would you change?
Id change relaxing in bed most of the time, but then again there's not much to do out there except eat, eat and eat.

3) What has been the most profound experience of your life so far?
Graduating and just reaching that after years and years of study has been such a fulfilling experience. Somehow i want more and it doesnt feel enough yet.

5) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one.

At first glance, it reminds me the beach.. the colors of pebbles and shells lying on the seashore.. i miss catching beautiful sunsets by the beach.. especially when its quiet and uncrowded, i find it very tranquil and it eases my thoughts and emotions.

Only after staring at it did i notice them being coins on a bark.. now how did they bend and get in there?..

Saturday Six

2009-01-31T14:20:00.003+08:00

Another dose of meme, playing Saturday Nine.

Saturday 9: Going To Pot

1. When was the last time you smoked pot?
I dont do those..

2. What do you think is your biggest weakness?
Calculations and Numbers.. i just cant be bothered because im so slow.. i still blame my high school teacher for making me hate math classes after throwing the board duster at me.

3. What is your biggest fear?
Fear of losing someone i care about and not seeing them again..

4. Is there a particular goal that you’d like accomplish this year?
To succeed in going through something ive never been through.. the distance between two hearts.

5. What do you miss most from your youth?
Being so close to dad..

6. What is your best physical feature?
Im not sure.. i think my smile :)

7. Are you very confident?
About how i need to be, yes.
About reaching my goals, yes.
Its usually yes, whenever i need to be.

8. Tell us about the last time you were drunk.
There's no first time and no last.. i dont drink.

9. Have you ever cheated on a lover?
Its usually the other way around and i dont wanna go back there.

Loving those blank spaces!

2009-01-30T11:45:00.006+08:00

*stretches* i woke up minutes ago and found time to do some fill-ins. Just to join the fun and give my readers a little something about me and the things in my head :)

1. I'd really like to see the only man in my life right now.

2. Oh Shit! is the word you'd most often hear me say if I stubbed my toe. (LOL! Sorry, but getting toe stubbed hurts a LOT and my tiniest toe is often the victim.)

3. Possession is really mine when it comes to my man, my shoes and my clothes. So dont mess with any of that or else...... lol.

4. Who needs some shampoo, soap and a neat trim? Captain Jack Sparrow.

5. Marshmallows and fire go together like chocolate and banana.

6. You know, i can keep running on and on.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to his phone call and talking til late , tomorrow my plans include him too and Sunday, I want to be whisked away! *sigh if only*

Happy Friday everyone! Smile away :)

Jan 29 - Thursday Thunks

2009-01-29T15:02:00.003+08:00

Today will be the start of my first Thursday Thunks. Play along here bloggers.

1. Have you ever felt alone, but yet there are people around you?
Most of the time whenever my boyfriend isn't around.. His absence can make me feel so lonely.

2. Do you have any video game consoles? Which ones?
Sadly, i do not play video games.

3. Do you freak out at food warnings/outbreaks, such as the recent peanut butter salmonella scare?
Yes since i have got two jars of peanut butter sitting in my room! Peanut Butter cant be that bad..

4. What color/pattern is your beds' comforter/bedspread?
At the moment blue roses.

5. How many windows do you have in your house?
It would take me more than an hour to count them, with perhaps three double checks on it.

6. Name six things that are in your bathroom.
Rolls and rolls of toilet paper, my St Ives Apricot Scrub, an extra new shower head my boyfriend got me which i still cant use, dental floss, a collection of shampoos and colorful bottles of liquid body wash.

7. How big is your garage? Should it be bigger?
Im not sure which one of the garages here to measure up.. but yes, there should always be extra space.

8. Got your taxes done yet?
Thank goodness we're lucky enough to not have to pay them here.. well at least not yet.

9. Think of a mental disorder..... why did you think of that particular one?
Multiple Personality Disorder. I was watching this new series called 'The United States of Tara' created by Steven Spielberg. Tara, an alter of the main character and her constant unraveling personalities has got me in curiosity and thoughts on whether such people and their many different alters are truly real. Its strange yet so interesting! :s

Little Words.. Little Wonders..

2009-01-29T00:09:00.006+08:00

Ive been bored out of my gourd at nights lately that i have decided and resorted to reading! Its not always that id want to read you see, unless its some book on self-help, motivation and all those inspiring sort. I was lent a few to pick from by my bookworm sister, and i picked out Meg Cabot's 'Queen of Babble' as a first. I finished the book in a week, quite slow as a consequence of failing to stay awake after a few pages lol. But its not the book, my eyes just get so tired easily and being on my bed doesnt help.

There were a few things on it that made me chuckle out a laugh. What i liked the most about it would be the bits on the history of fashion that are found throughout the book as a divider separating each chapter.

Now that this one's done, i need another to hold and steal my time. Should i go all soft and sappy with Nicholas Sparks or stay on the bright perky side with Marian Keyes?

2009-01-27T20:43:00.001+08:00

Stella McCartney for Adidas Spring 2009 RTW Collection had my jaw drop open this morning.. I fell in love at first sight with their zip-ups and track hoodies.. Awesomissimo, i want to get my hands on these!! The white number below is my favorite, id get them in their green color if i could. Oh Stella.. ~ *dreams*

Click Flash

2009-01-23T12:37:00.010+08:00

More pictures from Jasmine's twenty second..

Chocolate this- Chocolate that

2009-01-22T02:43:00.010+08:00

I had to find time to bake another cake recently as a request from another sister who of course had her birthday following all the other previous birthdays. This time Jasmina who turned 22. I think hers is the last of blowing candles and cutting cake ceremonies for January. Phew! Dont get me wrong, i love birthdays, but im just glad its put to a temporary stop for at least a week or so til February comes, because theres just so much of me pigging out involved and it is very very hard to resist good home-tasty food. Anyhow, she wanted a chocolate cake and gave me a pack of oreos, which i figured i could use as part of the layer filling and decor. I didnt want to make the typical oreo cheesecake we'd have on most occasions so i omitted cheese and just made it to be Chocolate Oreo.

Mixing and making the cake batter was fun but preparing the ingredients was a drag, always is.. the part id wish i have magic, and make things measure up and move on their own. But the waiting part is what i dread the most, as it takes two hours to get it perfect.

Only after that, can i finally start on the layerings and frosting. I chopped the oreos into bits and wanted it to be like a crunchy layer in between and bottomed that with chocolate cream.

Three layers after and wa-la i had a chocolate oreo cake ready for her. If only i could learn from experienced bakers much more on decorating and piping skills, id be glad. Perhaps one day on free time.

That was served with two more birthday cakes bought from bakeries and a gigantic tray of chocolate chip cupcakes i had to pipe. Donuts from FD, were part of the treat too. Speaking of donuts, ive got to find time to make them for my sister who has been a constant nag about it, but i am just sooo tamad! (that means lazy in tagalog btw).

Its 3 am now and i am starving... my mind says i shouldnt be eating at this time of the day, but my tummy is making kitten noises.. hmm.. should i resort to instant Pop Mee?.. bleurgh..

Faith. Hope. Change. The Dream.

2009-01-21T01:46:00.003+08:00

No longer the president elect! Congrats to the charismatic (and hot :p) Barack Obama for officially being the first African-American President and the 44th President of the US. I stayed up to watch the inauguration ceremony which took more than four hours and just ended a few minutes ago. The heavy rain and thunder roars earlier in the night messed up my viewing, but im glad i didnt miss the most important part; the oath and speech which came towards the end.
My favorite part of his speech;

"From today, we should pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and start to rebuild America."

Anyway, may this not only be a transition but also a historical transformation for the country.

I should call it a night now, its hitting dawn in a few! Will post more once im up. Toodles and have a nice day :)

sings "Happy Birthday to You... " Again!

2009-01-19T23:32:00.011+08:00

Haha yes u didnt read me wrong.. its another birthday celebration! Farina, one of my younger sisters, is also a January baby, so the similar happened; food, drinks and cakes! Here are pictures taken that day..

Here's Farina and myself.. ;Manzy and the monkeys below.

Maligayang Bati Sayo, Nazo! :)

2009-01-15T00:33:00.024+08:00

And another one! It is a fact that in each month of the year, there's always a birthday celebrant or more than one person turning a year older here at home. So there would always be something to look forward to, as a result of having soooooo many siblings. I myself honestly have no idea what the definite number is when it comes to counting them all up, forgive me for being absurdly ignorant about my own family, but its just difficult. hehe!

So anyhoo, this time it was Nazo's turn to blow out the candles as she turned 21 after which we had the usual dinner gathering. She specifically requested for me to bake her a chocolate cake, so i did and also made my favorite apple crumble :) I loved the golden toasted color of the baked apples drenched in brown sugar sauce, what was missing was the magical cinnamon powder, that strangely disappeared from the fridge. shucks! so it had to be without that but no worries, still good :)

I then spent time browsing through chocolate cake recipes, trying to decide which one to try out, and after so much scanning, i ended up resorting to the BBC Good Food, Ultimate Chocolate Cake recipe, whose taste never fails to impress :) Even the chocolate cake batter tasted good enough to be eaten as it is!

My next task was the decor of the cake for which i chose mini-donuts. Thanks to Manz who helped me dough that up and fry it, leaving me to just coat them with colored chocolate.

As soon as that was done, i had to quickly assemble them on the cake with much care and pipe whatever design i could think of. But goodness gracious, all this was very very time consuming, especially doing it alone.

This was the end result, it looks amateur-ish. hehe but hey, i bake for the love of it and i do consider myself a beginner with still so much to learn and improve on. Im glad everyone loved how it looked and tasted, especially the birthday girl Nazo, who had a huge smile on her face upon seeing it, by so my mission was accomplished! :)

Manzy setting up the candles while Riri holds herself back from placing her hands on the cake. Below is a cake from mom and dad who's still out of national borders.

Nazo, the kids, myself and the clown of our gatherings Adelyne.

Cookie Jar

2009-01-14T02:56:00.014+08:00

Its legit, i am such and owl!! Ive been having so much free time on my hands in the wee hours of the morning when i should be asleep just like everyone else. So much that i randomly decided to bake chocolate chip cookies after midnight.. bleurgh.. i had fun doing it tho, my sister Manz was also up so she became company.

The cookie dough was good, i just needed more chocolate chips than what i had left. Half a bottle of them may sound sweet but still didnt taste enough.. You know i really wonder whats Wally Amos's cookie recipe, his chocolate chip, no-nut cookies are hands down, uber fantastic! I've read some reviews and thoughts by cookie enthusiasts, and there was one food-detective that even suggested mayonnaise. Wierd but i wouldnt know unless i tried that out myself. But seriously, if i knew what it was, i dont think il leave my kitchen and the oven power off for long! lol.

Big spoon servings of the dough would result in large flat shaped cookies, so me and manz had to patiently scoop them into tiny morsels that looked so cute.. :)

The result: crunchy chocolate chip cookies, that taste the best fresh and warm off the oven. Yummy with a glass of low fat milk ;)

In the afternoon, we did our usual workout, which for the day, was the the Ministry of Sound's Burn It Lose It. I love the workouts they produce as it involves different types of work on all parts of the body, and especially because dance is a huge part of the work out, which i like a lot :)
Dancing and sweating out along to the music is a hype switch that makes it all so much fun.

Its been raining a lot lately, especially in late afternoons, dull rainy weather.. makes me miss my boyfriend so much more. Most of the time, my body's working but my minds all up on him.. Hope he gets out soon, i cant wait to be with him *amin* Anyway, back on the weather, i read on the news that its an effect of La Nina going on around parts of the globe. I wonder if its raining this much in Singapore and whether my family's having fun there shopping despite it.

Say what you need to..

2009-01-12T14:54:00.013+08:00

Its getting common now for the girls in my family to have more than one cutting cake ceremony. Iwie, previously had done it twice before this third one she had a few nights ago. This one, according to her, was her special one, because of the special guest present in the occasion; Mr John Mayer, who's shadow and guitar was on her cake! The preparation was tiring as usual, everyone had to work together to get the food and everything ready. And we made home made pizza which was also very time consuming, knowing that we only have two working ovens in the kitchen. But all in all, it was a fun night and again, she was happy :)

Iwie with her John Mayer cake, specially ordered from Candy's Lil Oven. Yummy chocolate fudge with cream cheese frosting.

There was home made pizza, pavlova, oreo cheesecake, Chinese fried rice, breaded cheese sausages, and banana loaf with chocolate ganache. Good homey soulfood :).

The lazy cute couple, Don and the Lazy Turtle; the loca loca girls with Daus and Boboy.

I was pretty much filling myself generously with all the food, and at heart wishing my boyfriend could be there too just so i could feed him like id always do :(

This part was funny and heart warming at the same time, Iwie gave out a speech thanking everyone and apologising for the wrongdoings she has done, and was all in tears upon doing so. She was then consoled by Adelyne, who wanted similar attention and ended up giving everyone a much much longer speech when it wasnt even her birthday! lol.

Daus karaoke-ing to Laser Disc Classics.

Manzy and myself after the party at Ka Fen's room hanging out before she flew off to Singapore.

Music = Soulfood

2009-01-10T02:00:00.015+08:00

Last night, a truck was called in to serve sizzling hotplates here at home. Just something random with not any special occasion. Nonetheless it was another chance and reason to hangout with the girls and find group laughter, which of course does not come without mini arguments between them first. To whatever extent the argument gets, its kind of like a norm already and pretty much expected. LOL! But back to the point, its always good to try and unite everyone together and add another sisterly memory and feeling to the heart :)

The truck with the eager cooks wanting to go home. They were asking me and my sisters to eat and find more people to order, just so the plates would quickly finish and their work shift would end.. they looked tired, but still served us in jokes and smiles, so that was a pity.

I had a taste of these plates, the sizzling vegetable claypot noodles, as well as the beef noodle plate. They served chicken rice too, which of course i added in my stomach. I couldnt finish them all tho, just countable spoon servings of each.

As usual, thanks to her big apetite, this lady below helped me finish everything :P

Some of the lovelies i cant ever live without..

Told ya, it wouldnt be 'our' kind of gathering without something like this.. LOL!

~My Music Pick~

It has long been since ive updated or added any music tracks here. So ill definitely try and get myself geared back into doing more of that starting with this one today. This is a beautiful song that always, whenever i listen to it, remind of my siblings and how different life is for us. It has an emotional bullet that hits a place in me and id really love it if they felt, understood and took the words to it with wisdom. I just want them to know this; although life may not be similar to most or does not always run its course the way they'd like it to, that there's always something to take in from everything. Life is short our time runs out. So we shouldnt live it constantly bothered and in angst of how bad the situation can get. Its the simplest opportunities or littlest of things given to us are what we should use to try and find another direction or path that will sooner or later help us live the life we dream of. I love them all dearly and will never leave them feeling lost or alone in any of life's courses. That is in me for always. And even when perhaps at my weakest point, i happen to, i hope something will always remind them that Allah, our God never will.

For all my readers, i hope you like the song as much as i do. If so, share it with those you care about :) Have a nice day!

Lenka- Live Like You're Dying
click to listen/ download

One of these days you’ll be under the covers,
you’ll be under the table and you’ll realize,
All of your days are numbered;
All of them one to one hundred.
All of them millions.
All of them trillions.
So what are you gonna do with them all?
You can not trade them in for mall.

Take every moment; you know that you own them.
It’s all you can do, use what’s been given to you.

Give me a reason to fight the feeling
that there’s nothing here for me.
Cause none of its easy,
I know it wasn’t meant to be.
I know it’s all up to me.
So what am I gonna do with my time?

Ill take every moment, I know that I own them.
It’s all up to you to do whatever you choose.

All you need is Love.

2009-01-07T03:17:00.009+08:00

Phew~ Alright im giving myself a short break from doing my sister's economics homework which is such a big bore, i dont know why i gave in into doing it in the first place. Again as always each night, id usually feel like the only up and still wide awake even when its already past 3am, crappy sleeping hours.. added to that, this heart pain ive been feeling isnt getting any better and instead is making me feel even more uneasy. I cant wait for thursday to come and hear what the doctor has to say about it.

This afternoon, me and the girls did another version of the Ministry of Sound's Pump It Up Workout which Manz got from KL. It was a vigorous cardio exercise and i was all drenched in sweat by the end. Boxercise was the theme of this version we did, and a lotta the moves involved using the calves and thigh muscles to the maximum level with great amount of jumps, as well as boxing punches, jabs and uppercuts. We were all beat in the end, but i had a lotta fun, like i always do when working out. It makes me feel great both mentally and physically. Tomorrow's another day at it.. and it keeps on going.. it should!

Some pictures from last night..

Iwie and Rianna's cake from mommy and papa..

This one's sweet.. she was so happy to get a pressie from Fathu.. already all smiley not knowing what it is yet..

And a few seconds after, was ecstatic in awe finding out what now belongs to her..

Her pressie from big bro Fathu, a Liverpool/ Beatles themed tshirt.. awesome combo there!
Iwie and Riri, the two birthday celebrants..

Me and cutesy Hannan.. it was nice to see her around again..

I miss Sam a lot, knowing i havnt heard from him for two days now is really weighing me down.. i hope he gets to call tomorrow, i need it.. sigh~ Patience is a virtue, and thats what ive been telling myself over and over again to get back up. Still, its just a bit hard. Alright, im just gonna continue on this work ive got to complete and wait til Subuh comes.

I wish you readers pleasant rest and a great day to wake up to this morning.. Have a good day.

Iwie's twenty first..

2009-01-05T18:50:00.008+08:00

Happy Birthday to two of my sisters Iwie and Rianna who are both turning a year older at this very day.. We surprised Iwie after it striked twelve lastnight but i found it a bit funny because she totally saw the whole thing coming up and actually asked for her surprise.. *tak malu* haha but she was all smiley when we gave it to her which is what matters, for her to be merry on her big day because everyone should enjoy their own birthday. I made two batches of Pavlova, one with a chocolate meringue base. As usual, the thick cream and fresh fruits on it were an amazing delight, i think we're all still on this pavlova-craze which surely wont stop anytime soon! :)

We're having another family gathering in an hour for the two girls, just the little cutting cake thingy followed by dinner. Im on an empty stomache so i cant wait for that.

Here are some pictures from last midnights surprise.

She pretty much saw it coming, nonetheless it still made her one happy girl.

The Pavlova Cake I made for her..

Manzy wanted to make this chocolate fudge cake for the surprise and get her rusty hands back into baking.. it was ultimately chocolate rich!

Obi misses England

2009-01-04T00:55:00.010+08:00

I still have yet to find an explanation as to why people have nightmares.. well i have read some theories but none of which really captured my belief.. Ive been having silly dreams lately, a few scary ones.. perhaps its because i think too much in bed before dozing off.. oh i dunno. I got the chance to talk to Sam about it when he called this afternoon, he reminded me that everything is gonna be alright and i shouldnt worry much. That gave me a huge sigh of relief.. its nice having someone to run to whenever you feel scared or alone, it makes me know im lucky to have that and makes life less scary.. *love you boo, thanks for always trying to find ways to be there*

After dinner, me and my sisters made time to play with Obi and his incarcerated mates.. Obi is the first cat that i dare to caress and play with, although i havent gotten completely comfortable yet. I do still carry a big fear of cats but Obe's just too cute to resist. He's big, furry, fat, quiet, white and very very lazy.. he also doesnt purr much and only likes to lie down and relax at most times, so that definitely helps lessen my fear :)

The british cat Obi, who i love to call Mr Chuck Bass haha.. an animal resemblance of my cute and chubby baby sister Batrisya..

Manz and Natzy pamper brushing both Obi and Cappie's thick plushy fur.. they were being such adorable bums. Cutesy!

More of NY' 09

2009-01-03T00:52:00.011+08:00

Its past 1am and im not even close to being heavy eyed, i think my sleeping hours have really gone into the crapper. Im afraid im not just a 'good sleeper' now because instead of the usual 8-hour limit, i tend to do a 10 lately, with a couple of middle-in-the-morning wake ups.. Im sure thats most probably the reason i've been feeling like a yucky blob of fat. I need to fix that soon!

Here are some pictures taken within the last hour of 2008. It was just a small family gathering, which at first was filled with sorts of emotions since more than half of the family has flown away, but in the end, we managed to just stay together and make the best of whats left.

With Qimmy and his wife (below), who's adorably preggers.. *im excited for them* :))

With Dani and Afiqah, only two of the many naughty kids..

With Manzy and one of my previous caretaker, Aunty Arbina.

Boo, Adelyne, Me and Manz tired and up til the break of dawn.

Alright, it already late now that the uploads of those pictures above are complete. I gotta get some shuteye and get up in the morning to help complete my sister's economics homework and i never even was an economics student.. Pfft.

Welcome 2009

2009-01-02T14:58:00.005+08:00

Happy New Year family, friends and ODH readers! :)

I woke up this morning feeling a tad bit blue.. i wanted to wake up to a call but also knew it was unlikely to happen. Its ok though, i know he'll try to call as soon as he gets to. So, its a new year now, and i should say reflecting back on 2008 is alright, but negative happenings or mishaps should be left with that year that has ended. Ive got no definite resolutions for '09 except for wanting to try and be better at every aspect in life..

I finally made time to create a new layout for my blog, the colors i used are part of a few favorites, i love the subtle shade of pink against the faded worn out black paper. I think its classy with a nice edge.. What do you think? :)

I should go and get something to eat now before i leave for my workout session. Nothing heavy, maybe just nachos with tabasco infused salsa dip.. yumm! Blog more later.. Ciao.

One Saturday Crossed Out..

2008-12-30T00:10:00.002+08:00

I made apple crumble today, it tasted sweeter than the first one i did, but it was still hard to not get more than one scoop, so i dived in with a little guilt. hehe I think cinnamon powder is magical, i love everything about it! And i personally think my apple crumble is therapeutic, at least for me.. my number one comfort food before chocolate desert. It cheers and helps me out with my currently fluctuating eating appetite.

I'm glad my boyfriend has been calling me every time he gets the chance to because his phone calls help me stay strong and want to try live life the best way i can while at the same time adapting to this new situation we're in. I know its harder than what he expected being there, and likewise for me here, its not as easy as i thought it would be. Because seriously, ive never missed someone this much. He's called two mornings in a row, and i hope he'll get to call again sometime soon so i can get to tell him how much he's loved. *mush*

Help me..

2008-12-27T01:05:00.007+08:00

My sister had her 18th debut at the Empire Baze earlier tonight.. Its nice to know that the girls and the rest of the kids are all having fun right now. I went out just for dinner there and later headed back home. I am in no party mood which is why i chose not to be too involved and stay out.

Its an hour past 12, everyones still out dancing the night away while im here at home and all i can think of is you.. I am just in no state to party when my heart and mind constantly wanders on and on about you..

God, i miss you... :_(

Eight Minutes

2008-12-26T01:11:00.002+08:00

Alhamdulillah.. i woke up this morning to the phone call that I have been impatiently waiting for. Sam was given a chance to use the public pay phone for less than 10 minutes, so he could finally get to call me. My heart was pounding fast beats when I heard his voice, i felt so happy but equally saddened by the tone of his voice and the rush of the minute. It was quick but affectingly emotional. I could sense his tiredness and a bit of struggle by the way he talked. However I knew, that what was important is to remind him that I'll always be here waiting so he has nothing to worry about.. It was apparently harder than what he had expected, but I believe he can pull through.

Those eight minutes of hearing his voice are and will perhaps be the best part of my week.

I believe in you baby..

And i miss you.. so much.

Besides that, my evening was also teary.. The woman who had been the caretaker of my boyfriend for about 22 years ended her contract today and departed back to the Philippines. Unfortunately he could not be there. I came to show my respect and gratitude, also leaving her with a picture of us to remember by. In return she left me with words that will forever tug my heart. Ive known her since 2007 and somehow found a sort of connection i cant describe. Its strange but finally tonight, we talked more about the things she has been advising me about and she passed on words that gave me strength and helped me focus on what I needed to do to help make life easier for us. I know how lucky I am to have met someone as inspiring and strong as she is. She means a lot to his family, especially him and i know how much she loves him too. She told me how strongly she believed of my presence in his life and how lucky he is to have me. No one has ever said that to me except himself and the people who really care and know me so well, which is why I felt really touched. He is my blessing too, that which i am very thankful of and i promise to take care of him the best I can. Our paths will cross again i believe, hopefully soon. *amin*

my strength from you..

2008-12-21T22:53:00.006+08:00

My boyfriend left for a national force training today.. and it'll be about a month, perhaps two, til id probably get to see him or hear from him again.. The days spent with him before his departure was memorably special.. times filled with various emotions, tears and sadness as well laughter and smiles.. Fear got to me when i began feeling heavy knowing time was running out.. it was hard to leave each other.. looking into each others eyes just before parting ways was difficult enough and doubled by trying to hold back tears by the last tight hug..

I wanted to fall to the floor and cry the moment he walked out the door and was driven away.. i hoped for the possibility of the car turning back.. but also knew what had to happen anyway. I broke down days earlier in his arms.. but had to find strength to carry on just so we could reach one dream we built together.. we both knew it would be hard which is why i deeply value him wanting to try and do this for us and for the future..

All i can do now is keep myself occupied and try to hang on til the day i get to see him again.. I hope to always remember his gentle whispers that never fail to give me strength when absence and loneliness will bring me tears.. these tears that are streaming down now by the thought of not hearing your voice to sleep the way i usually do every night..i hope to always have the strength or always be able to find it whenever i feel myself sinking..

i love you baby and i will be counting down the days :_(..

Candles and Cupcakes

2008-11-30T14:11:00.005+08:00

I woke up a few hours ago from a full 8 hour sleep but somehow still feel the need to give my body more rest. My calves and thigh muscles are achingly tired from workouts which are progressively turning routine and also from cooking, baking and such. Yet, i still choose to keep myself going and later wonder why..

I had the best time of the week yesterday. Sam came over and we finally got to spend quality time together which felt long overdue. Being around the person who makes your heart smile always feels amazing, i slept late but gladly very well last night :) My sister also hosted a barby dinner occasional to her boyfriends birthday, Don who turned 24. Cupcakes were great, food was great.. i have to mention, the chicken tasted really good, props to Sam and myself for the marination and grilling :P

I hope Don enjoyed yesterdays celebration, as we were so beat preparing it! hehe I gotta go run and tear out sweat now.. Have a good day readers! :)

~Track~

Beyonce- Rock
click on title to listen/download

This song makes me think of someone i dearly hold and keep with a special meaning in my life. You know who you are.. i love you.. truly.
You are my rock.. you're everything I need.

The clarity of this heart i gave to you..

2008-11-27T15:35:00.002+08:00

I love you.... Those three words have my life in them.

Loyalty binds me to what I have with you, which is unlike anything else i have ever had.

I miss you.. a lot.

Tear stains on my pillow..

2008-11-26T03:06:00.005+08:00

Its pretty late now and no ones awake.. while im here with shattered tears..

I cant seem to grasp words to say precisely what i feel or what ive been going through here. All i know is that my mind is tired, so tired of thinking and wondering of how and what to do.. that its starting to ache.. exhausted, yet im here sitting down on my desk trying to hold up and refusing to rest with an unsettled heart..

Where's the silver lining on this grey cloud?.. im begging to see it.. :'(

Because there are these changes with time.. these things that i keep hoping would have explanations for.. which in the end, is just left unclear... over and over again, collectively and slowly tearing me to pieces..

Its close to 4am now. I cant help but realize how on fine days, id already be resting my head calm on the pillow by midnight.. while on other days, id feel like im all alone filled with unending thoughts, often silently frustrated or crying like a fool.. Its not healthy keeping things bottled up, i know..

My mind is seriously aching, i know it needs rest but i feel like going out for a walk.. unwise decisions made out of desperation for solitude.. Inner solitude and happiness..

When this song randomly played, it felt lyrically relative and for a moment, made me feel sincere about all that has happened and that may happen. Broken but sincere.. because after all, i still believe that things do happen for a reason.

~Track~
Missy Higgins- Where I Stood
click to listen/download

See I thought love was black and white,
That it was wrong or it was right.
But you ain't leaving without a fight,
And I think I am just as torn inside.

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you,
All I know is that I should.
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you,
All I know is that I should.
'Cos she will love you more than I could,
She who dares to stand where I stood.

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call,
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all.
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you,
This is what I have to do.

Because when I have no one, I have you..

2008-11-26T00:37:00.004+08:00

I just completed viewing a video that my sister Manz, had recommended. It was as interesting as the video we watched days ago, played by the Anak Brunei author at the Blog It Up Seminar organized by the university which i attended to accompany her. It was an anthropological video made by students at the Kansas State University headed by Professor Michael Wesch about a vision of students in classrooms today, with the mention of Facebook which i think is currently a phenomenon of its own.. Watch it below.. It is very creatively put together.

This other video on an anthropological study on YouTube as a giant medium and platform for people to communicate and create communities. It is definitely these videos that brought him to win 'Professor of the Year 08' in the States and also shot him to well recognition among scholars, students and people of all kinds.

Im not sure if everyone would find it as interesting as i did. But i should mention, it is a long video of about 55 minutes. Parts of it were funny yet factual and educational, all sparking thoughts and interest within me. I wonder if my Anthropology professor and lecturers have heard of him or watched any of these, because I know they'd certainly love it if they had :)

My salute and admiration to the professor and his team of students for their intelligence in coming up with these videos they kindly share with the world. It made me think that the anthropological research studies in Brunei should be expanded, i believe we can do such interesting research too :) be inspired!

I wish you were here...

2008-11-25T00:12:00.004+08:00

Love is the seed of all hope.

It is the enticement to trust,

to risk.. to try..

&

to go on.

And when it grows within you,

beauty grows too..

Therefore love, is the beauty of the soul.

Call it how you see it..

2008-11-24T21:52:00.002+08:00

Dashing in with just a short one right now and a random track.. Im suppose to be sleeping now, but my bedtime has gone all kookoo. Ive got to be up early tomorrow for a dental checkup. I hate going to the dentist, but i eventually know im gonna have to stop rescheduling my way-delayed appointments.. mmph. For some reason, I have been thinking a lot today... about several things. Im not sure whether these thoughts in my head are right but it certainly has made me a little cautious. I know well by now that it definitely is harder to think of a problem alone. I certainly wish things were different.

When I had you,
You were glad to..
Do anything for me.
Be what i need you to be..
But.........

~Track~

Donnell Shawn- Is This What You Wanted
click on title to listen/download

Maligayang Bati Sayo, Hannan! :)

2008-11-06T12:18:00.004+08:00

Quite recently, my family and I had a late barby dinner to celebrate one of my little sister's fourth birthday. It was nice, especially since its been some time that we all, well most of us got together compared to just the usual few minutes of passing by each other. I took the several pictures below :)

Mr Sultan Payas, the Martabak Manager and his affiliate. And yes his first name really is Sultan! Beside it, Aiman and Farizan stuffing up on Roti John.

The charming Prince Arman, who couldnt wait to get his hands on his long Roti.

My grandpa, excited to go skype-ing with Nix and Munhubs in the UK. I thought it was cute :)

Below, the birthday celebrant Hannan with her Dora cake and her purple Nano chromatic she got as her gift from mommy, which was already loaded with High School Musical songs. Adorable i tell you! hehe i love her to bits.

is there a better place to be... a light at the end of the storm?

2008-11-05T01:35:00.006+08:00

You're miles away.. eyes shut from moonlight..

Tired.. you've worn yourself down.

While i'm drowning in tears.. out of your sight..

Telling myself, that in the end, just a bit more of your time was all I needed.

I'm here alone surrounded by thoughts and feelings..

All of which i'm trying to get through, to you..

But yet, words can only say so much and theres still more in this heart of mine..

More than 'i miss you'..

More than 'i need you'..

More than 'i love you'..

A taste of heaven.. and another one.

2008-11-04T13:30:00.003+08:00

I hate sufferinfg from toothaches. They tip me off onto mood swings. And yet, i still choose not to restrain myself from eating chocolates. I chunked in a few last night just before bed and it was hard to stop, especially if its of the Japanese-brand Royce. I love their chocolate wafers and their Potechi Crunch, mine of which are rapidly depleting in numbers by time. I finished the wafers, as well as the Baton cookies i had. Now im only left with 6 of them crunch goodies :( The least of my favorite are the Nutty Bar Chocs. Regardless, the thing i like about the rest is that, their not too sweet and their really soft that it melts in the mouth. I like bitter and dark chocolates. You know, they say, if u havent tried Royce, you havent eaten one of the best chocolate yet! I wonder if they have it anywhere here, because its already available in Singapore and KL. Anyway i musnt forget to get an appointment with the dentist real soon too hehe

Now id just like to give a quick feature on my new, cute baby sister. Little Miss Zarra Qiana is just about 11 days old. Im in love with her name. She's really tiny and felt so fragile when i held her in my arms. There always is a lovely feeling when holding something so adorable and innocent. See, isnt she cute? :)

thank you.. you.. and you..

2008-11-03T18:29:00.002+08:00

Graduation is finally over and all went smoothly during the few days it lasted. Still i wont be able to describe it, but the one thing i am sure of is that I found one special special moment. It happened as i was entering the Chancellor Hall. Walking down the carpet, pass the guests, i saw a glimpse of my father sitting at the front row. I felt overwhelmed by his presence that for me, graced the ceremony. Only then, did I smile inside and felt able to enjoy along with the rest of my friends. I knew how much mom wanted to be there, and it was that thought that counts. I had this chance because of them, whom ill love, no matter what. Now that its all done, i am taking the only chance I have to truly relax, before I enter working life or perhaps begin studying again.

Manz and I recently received a box of mini cupcakes as a graduation gift from a cousin. They looked pretty tempting and tasted well too. I had a few while the rest of my food-crazed sisters came knocking on my door to ask for a bite. I thought it was such a sweet deed, but im not surprised when it comes to that cousin of mine. If theres one thing I know and still remember about her, its her gift of kindness.

Not to forget, special thanks also to my bestfriend, RR. Your support and text messages u sent on those days meant a lot to me and always manages to bring me to tears. Thanks for your sincere thoughts and always wanting to be sure il be fine. I love you dearly.. xxx

On my graduation day..

2008-10-29T18:38:00.004+08:00

Alhamdulillah, the day I have been waiting for has finally arrived. Tomorrow will be my graduation day, and it will be held at 8 in the morning. Somehow, i still cant believe that im at this phase in life, and it feels like theres still more that should come.. I am finding it surreal knowing that my undergraduate studies have concluded and that im receiving my degree. After all this, i know that i should sit back and relax, but i still feel like theres a long way to go from here. The rehearsals has been a nice experience, and dreadful since it requires early waking ups, but in the end, still fun and memorable.

Tomorrow, i will be receiving a piece of paper from His Majesty, a piece of paper that symbolizes my blood, sweat and tears shed for four years as an undergraduate.. and i still cannot fully describe the range of feelings i have inside upon facing tomorrow. Though i know there is someone out there that can understand me better, not a person around me now can. Im just hoping il be able to keep myself together and enjoy it while it lasts. Because all i have after, will just be a memory and photos to immortalize me and that very moment in time. Tomorrow is a day that will always be something difficult to describe. All i know is that i do not want this to be the end of my student life yet.

Beautiful things.. beautiful people..

2008-10-25T18:54:00.007+08:00

Gajeeezles.... yesterday for me was a long long day................................. yea as long as those fullstops *breathes deeply* but it was fun. I attended my graduation briefing where they told us rules on attire and protocol, and after i finally met one good friend who was granted a chance to get out of army training camp today and did some catching up, which was great. She told me both sides of the story on how the disciplinary training was.. a fun experience but seriously mentally and physically a challenge. Im glad she's doing it though, she's been telling me since pre-uni years of how it has always been a dream. Knowing that shes now said to be one of the best new women army cadet officer makes me feel genuinely happy for her. She deserves it :)

Anyway, since we were told there were attire rules to follow, one of them was having to wear specifically black, closed toe, strapped shoes that wont accidentally come off on stage. I didnt have one that matched all those criteria, so i had to go out and look for one just a few days before the occasion. And that was when i spotted these black patent leathered boots on the shelf that spoke to me.. i immediately knew i had to have them.. it has a quilted pattern on the sides that is very reminiscent of Chanel's quilted bags that i dream to have more of.. looking at them on Ebay, just makes me wish i could use monopoly money to get bid them off for myself, sad i know.. especially the ones in pink and beige.. oh they are such beauty! sigh~ but ive experienced enough heartaches for the day browsing through that site, so leaving that for other days. I might be bending the rules slightly on the day and wear them up the stage with my black robe, its closed, strapped and black, according to the rules no? haha definitely edgy and so me :) special thanks to my boo for that, your girlfriend is loving you excessively.. ;)

Im gonna have to hit the sack and end night time early today to get enough sleep before Manz barges in and says "Amzy amzy.. time to wake up, its six o'clock.. wake up.." Yes i HAVE to be up by 6AM!! tomorrow morning and leave 45 mins after, to be in time for the convocation rehearsals. I dont like getting up early, so i already expect my morning to be such a drag. Pfft..

No matter what i do.. i cant forget to forget you..

2008-10-21T00:44:00.005+08:00

Ive been meaning to add this one song up in here.. But i told myself, that there would be a particular time where listening to it will mean so much more than a random music play. And tonight happens to be it. I was feeling a sense of sadness and immediately thought about the lyrics to this song.. when i played it on my laptop, i couldnt stop my tears from flowing..

"Is there a chance?
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may change your mind?
Or are we ashes and wine?

I'll tear myself away
If that is what you need
There is nothing left to say
But..

Is there a chance?"

Its a beautiful song by Alison Sudol.. she happens to be my age and is best known as A Fine Frenzy. A pretty singer, songwriter and pianist. I love her voice, i think she has one of the best. Its soothing and beautiful. Her songs show how she sings with passion too, very talented. Every kind of relationship or friendship has its ups and downs.. This is one song, most should have because i bet everyone at sometime can relate to it, i know i can. You can download it below or from the music bar on the left. Else, go buy her album, 'One Cell In The Sea', which made its debut last year, its really worth the pay. Enjoy the track.

A Fine Frenzy- Ashes and Wine
~click to listen/download~

Lily flowers on a red wall..

2008-10-20T18:05:00.008+08:00

Ouffleloops.. i am stuffed :s i just had one of my favorite burgers, the Zinger and im mighty full.. but that is of course nothing compared to a burger loaded with mushrooms.. because my buds are usually all about edible fungi! hehehe The one served on the antipasti trolley in Spaghettini is still the one to beat around here just after Funghi Trifoliate up at Capers *slurps*

Ive been a good home girl today, spending hours just bumming on the couch, surfing with junk food while on a movie marathon which included What Happens In Vegas, Forgetting Sarah Marshall and 21. Jason Segel of How I Met Your Mother made me favor Forgetting Sarah Marshall the most, its kinda vulgar but so funny.. i like the characters he picks to play because not a lot of characters have scripted lines that really make me laugh :)

Apart from being a house slug, i also spent hours sorting out the codes for this new layout. Im just so relieved that its all set and done now. I've included two things on the side like the Music Bar where i'll be posting songs that i recently heard or some on my playlist that im currently listening to.. all of which im happy to share with everyone. I picked this deep red velvet color that came along with fleur de lys which i think is parisian and lovely. It took me two dragging days to complete everything, so im just hoping it looks fine to say the least :)

This season of Project Runway has finally ended several days ago and Leanne Marshall was announced the winner. It nice that she won because for me it was down to her and Korto Momolu who also showed really amazing and adorable pieces. It has been an interesting season to watch and im a bit sad that there's not gonna be any more to catch for some time. I was thinking, should i try watching Paris Hilton's new reality show, "My New BFF"? who knows it might be interesting too.. haha maybe not. Oh there's a new reality show called "Stylista" where aspiring people of various fashion backgrounds compete for the position of junior editor at Elle. I'll just go for that. Damn dream job, id love to get that editorial position in a fashion magazine, too bad there's nothing of such here. Closest i got offered was a reporter for one of the national papers, which i had to turn down for certain reasons. sigh~ i should go job-hunting again soon.

New Reality Series- Stylista

good.. lovable.. kind..happy..

2008-10-17T01:07:00.004+08:00

Everybody loves a thoughtful treat including me, who recently got this gift.. its a simple top with folded ruffles on the edges of the neckline.. i tried it on and it looks so cute.. special thanks to one of my best friends. You're really kind at heart, sharing the sweetest things with me.. i love it and i love you. Im still wishing it was easy for me to be there for you later because that is all i would want to do, just be there anytime you wish or when you're in need.. but if i happen to not turn up, i hope u'll know that there will be better and easier times and ways for me to do so.. *hugs tight* hearts!

Season Two of Samantha Who is out! I feel sorry watching Christina Applegate after knowing she recently had both her breasts removed in an effort to cure her from breast cancer.. I personally think of her as a really brave woman for doing so. She's a good actress and i love her show so too. In the first episode of this latest season, Mark Ballas, pro dancer of Dancing With The Stars, fills in as the guest of the show *pheewit* hehe oh and christina applegate still has her breasts. Sorry,cant help it :s im wondering if there will be a noticeable change in her appearance in the next few eps.. i just cant help but observe and feel a bit scared as a girl.. *knocks on wood*

My presence by post here has not been as constant as i would want, but thats only because im busy with trying to create a new layout and header as well as selecting a color palette and a theme.. Being more than a tad bit indecisive does not help in progress. sigh~ id like to finish it soon and im just hoping its likable.

Dont burst the bubble yet..

2008-10-12T20:50:00.008+08:00

My sneaky bestie gave me the sweetest, cheesiest surprise yesterday when she included herself in the package that i got off from her friend..haha i swear i could sense something going on when she insisted me to pick up the package myself, pretending to still be a gazillion miles away. This is not the first time she's done it.. and everytime she does, i honestly get early and strong instincts that somethings up. Now, im just glad shes found a way to come back where she belongs and is not staying alone far away any longer than she has. She's the person that no matter how long its been since i've talked or seen each her, can just reach at no matter what time of day and pick up where we left off.. love you babe. oh thanks for the extraordinary popcorn, are you trying to help me gain weight? :P *hugs*

Ive just started watching The Cleaner, which originally aired sometime in July this year i think.. Anyway, i watched the two episodes of it to decide on whether it could be one of my interest, and must say it definitely made it! Basically about an addict who almost lost everything that meant so much to him until a man helped him. Since then, he promised himself to help pull others out of the wrong path before its too late, this of course isnt easy. Benjamin Bratt plays the lead role and fits maturely well :) what i like about it is his sincere motives in helping others just because he's been there and knows how it feels.. this series is great in a way that it seriously teaches people about life as it goes..

I found this on one of the many quiz sites available for bored and unemployed people like myself, who just stay home, or go out and yet remain unproductive by all means except in the digestive sphere..hahaha i am becoming a serial couch potato by day.. but il remember not to take this for granted and enjoy this to the fullest, before i start anything that wont let me have more than two days off a week.. tawatawa~

How you really say "I love you." by lenatheraven
Name
...believe in true love?
Your hands say	We fit together.
Your eyes say	I'm so lucky.
Your hugs say	Nothing I desire compares with you.
Your kisses say	I am addicted to you.
Your body says	I just want to hold you.
Your heart says	I love you.

Damn it. I miss my boyfriend already.. a lot. And ive been having days where i felt sick to the bone and only wish for his presence and comfort. It doesnt get any better than that. The thing is, i think i might have just been told about something in particular, that will definitely not help in this constant 'missing-him' dilemma of mine.. i know that something is going to happen sometime soon, and as much as ive been preparing myself for it, i just dont think its something i'll ever be so ready to face.. Thoughts about this gets me really quiet and heavy hearted, not knowing whether i should talk about it or just avoid it til it happens :(

Its true, nothing i desire can compare to you..

Super Stoked for Saturdays with S..

2008-10-10T20:28:00.009+08:00

Im finally back in good shape after the sudden attack by a terrible fever two nights ago, where i was found seriously shivering in bed with a temperature that rose to a 39.. thank goodness i had my laptop by my side to reach one of my sisters. I was initially determined to sleep it through but somehow I knew i needed immediate help. Im not sure why i got sick though, i just felt really cold and my bones were aching.. i dont think ive been that sick for a long long time.. i was literally unable to crawl out of bed the day after that happened and had no choice but to sleep it through.. Thank god its over..

Updates on what ive been watching, the American spinoff of a British series, Little Britain USA. The first two episodes are a good laugh, filled with similar humor to the original that ive caught once before on StarWorld. Are british really known to be the rudest people in the world?? err.. hehehe Well this show definitely isnt one for those who are easily offended. But me and my siblings still choke laughs by it so i guess it still works for us :)

Oh, i was blog hoping earlier and found myself this random tag thing id like to do.. here it goes. I am to list six of my quirks, which are as follows...

1. Water is crucial! Lots of water everyday because less than a glass wont be able to make me sleep well at the end of the night.
2. I cant open up to a person easily too soon.. It takes time for me to get myself comfortable..
3. I wont share straws or spoons with anyone, not my family or anybody.. except my boyfriend.. i just cant do it without feeling icky..
4. I cant be less than a feet away from a cat.. it literally freaks me out.
5. I wont watch horror movies or thrillers.. it makes me really sad and sick and id rather be happy :)

6. I cant hold back my anger if someone i care about is intentionally hurt or offended by a person.

I'm suppose to be tagging people now with this, but i am in my malas mode so skippin it :) Tomorrow is a Saturday yippee... there's someone i cant wait to meet.. *jumps around*

A song for you..

2008-10-08T21:48:00.003+08:00

~Track~

click to listen/ download

Christina Milian- Us Against The World
The moment i heard the lyrics of this song, the only person that came to mind was you.. After the many things we've been through.. This one's dedicated to you baby.. you know i feel it with all my heart.

If the sun shuts down and decided not to shine no more, I would still have you.

If we see the last day and they say we gotta go to war, I'll be fighting with you.

Cause I know if I'm falling, you won't let me hit the ground.

If the boat is sinking, I know you won't let me drown..

No matter what anyone could say, this is the only place for me.

And no one could ever take that away.

Nothing could come between us.

And if it's the last breath I take, I'll leave my kiss with you.

If there's a wall between us, i know I'll break through.

This is the only place for me and no one could ever take that away.

just because i am bored..

2008-10-07T16:16:00.004+08:00

Got this off sista Fe :)

Ten Things You Want To Say To Ten Different People:

1. Can you just come home already, im bored..

2. how are you?.. hope things have been great..

3. i want more shoes?... how kan this..

4. sabar k, you still have true friends around you and you still have me.. hugs!

5. can you just try fit in a perfume on my list, puhleeezz...

6. lets get married..hehehe

7. i love you, we love you.. if only you knew how much and how sincere..

8. one spaghetti and one chicken joy with extra gravy and french fries...

9. thanks for the pilates mat *in advance* hahaha

10. yay!! im going to see my baby... *i wish* :(

Nine Things About Yourself:

1. i think too much.. too much although knowing it can be very bad for my health :s

2. i love sports! all kinds of sports.. and can get a bit serious and competitive, especially in a squash court. *i miss*

3. i love food.. all types, all kinds.. except for one.. long beans.. *ralfs*

4. im currently obsessed with downloading almost everything, from music to tv shows to Pinoy movies hahaha

5. If and when im mad, i wont talk and say a word.. but if pushed, il explode.

6. i am very sensitive, little things or the wrong choice of words can hurt or offend me.. and id get so mad when seeing anyone mistreated by rudeness. I have no tolerance for that.

7. i fear cats, its been that way since i was a kid.. and wish i could get over it but cant.. its a serious part of me.

8. i can only sleep for EXACTLY eight hours.. anything more or less than that will give me a serious headache and mood swings..

9. Lastly, im very dedicated to what my heart wants and believes in.. LOVE :)

Gue lapar banget..

2008-10-05T22:45:00.002+08:00

I woke up this morning with time on my hands to surf for breakfast food recipes.. I browsed through some that appealed to me and came across recipes of mini cakelets.. I immediately knew what i wanted when i was reminded of the Marks n Spencers mini butter pancakes that tastes so good.. I then tried to make some of my own... well not some but A LOT for this tummy! A dash of cinnamon powder and maple syrup along with this would've been so good.. but i only had to settle with what was there, pure honey... :)

However, its been 12 hours since ive filled my stomach with those pancakes, and i am seriously starving.. its past 11pm and i havnt had dinner yet.. im too lazy to cook something up and its too late for take-outs or delivery.. i want to eat..

i am watching..

2008-10-05T02:00:00.003+08:00

Just few episodes of The Rachel Zoe Project is enough to make me want to die for her job.. i love what she does and just know it'd would be something id enjoy doing for a lifetime if i could.. Which girl wouldnt?! The clothes, the bags, the shoes, the jewelery.. its every girls dream.. And though she's categorized under the typically stick-thin body of the glamed Hollywood pictures, she's no doubt a great stylist with a good eye on anything fashion related.. her job to me, is a very interesting show.. i cant wait for more..

There's another tv series i've just started setting eyes on.. Its a British one called Merlin. I dont really like watching shows that deal with witchcraft or magical wizards because it has the tendency to scare me or give me nightmares but the first two episodes hasnt got my eyes shut by fear yet.. so i'll keep them coming in for now.. :)

This is me.. This is the truth.. This is love.. It endures.. It is you.

2008-10-04T02:06:00.006+08:00

“I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.”

A lot has happened in my life over the span of six years.. for six years, ive made good friends.. that eventually turn out having feelings much more than expected.. i dont know where to put the blame for that, but i am sorry and sincerely care for my friends the way one should.. Apart from that, there has always been a person i can run to when i needed any kind of help.. who never fails to have my back and lend me a helping hand.. in terms of companion, the meds i needed or comfort as a friend when i was scared... i truly appreciate your kindness, i always will, as a person i have loved before and cared for and now as a friend i respect.. im always praying and hoping the best for you and your family... My motives have always been pure and sincere, thanks for everything.

But the time has come where i have to put everything on the table.. And for this one guy i really fell in love with, im ready to leave it all behind and risk everything i have.. and still know that i'll be in good hands.

Im ready take it as past events over which i failed to do what was expected out of me.. over which i made mistakes..

It has happened and im done grieving about the fallout. No matter how wrong or how hard it was, my new life starts now. I do know that it may not feel like a new life. It may feel different. Because the fallout had affected a lot of other things and areas of my life.. Moving forward takes time, but at this moment, we both knew it has got to be done. Ive taken the responsibility... There was a sense of loss that came along with a pool of emotions..

Now i know, for things to be alright, we need to look ahead.. and do this together, for a renewed sense of trust and comfort.. all for what its worth, that great feeling we get when we're together and the beautiful things we've built in our hearts and in our minds.

I do know and accept that it will take time before we both start to feel that sense of comfort, and feel normal again.. I'll be patient. I know the pain will die away but it will take time.

I've grieved about my mistake.. and about what has happened..

Now, turning over a new leaf, i'll tell you the hardest things..

And i'll do it right this time, hoping the pieces still fit. All because i cant and im not ready to see life without you.

Im willing to give everything.. its how much i love you..

Eid Mubarak '08

2008-10-03T18:08:00.004+08:00

Selamat Hari Raya everyone :)

Happy wishes, especially to half my family in UK. I miss you guys and its not the same without all of you..

Also to my bestie RR. Im sorry you have to go through it alone this year, but i know you're a tough girl. Im here for you and you'll have better times in the future. Its funny how we're both feeling the same today but im glad we have each other.. Thanks for being there for me.. for listening and understanding me the most, it lightened me up... i love and miss your presence.. especially when its just the two of us being silly.. :_(

Good luck for your exams tomorrow, i know you can do it.. love you.

Im sorry.. and i love you.

2008-10-03T17:00:00.005+08:00

Because these were my thoughts at that moment..

My motives were pure, nothing more than that... but only untrusted as you were off target with your worries and intuition..

So looking back, i knew i could have caused a quarrel over the truth and hence, i chose to keep it..

It doesnt make me a cheat, and i dont think my honesty should be defined or measured by that one thing.. because to me, honesty never really does stand on its own.. it is coupled with respect.. which is something i have and hold for you and all my friends..

Im still pressured by thoughts on what amendments i should make for us to move forward with a clear conscience..

I think i may have found the answer...

:_(

I am sorry for what i did, but if i could turn back time, i'd honestly do it again, but this time, il tell you straight and risk the quarrel. Not making that move, was my mistake.

Tagged by Fe

2008-10-03T00:00:00.004+08:00

Name: Amz, AA
Sisters: CRAZY
Brothers: DEPLETING.
Shoe size: 36..
Height: i dont know.
Favourite drinks: water all the time.
Have you ever been on a plane?: yea but i dont like it.
Swam in the ocean?: no.. i have bad thoughts about sharks.
Fallen asleep at school?: yes on my math exam papers.
Broken someone’s heart?: yea i guess :(
What is your room like: its blue.. and its not helping my blue mood now.
What’s right beside you: a box of tissue.
What is the last thing you ate: wholemeal pasta.
Ever had chicken pox: not yet! :S
Do you believe in love at first sight: no.
Like picnics: sure do.
Who was/were the last person/people you danced with: my crazy sisters.
Last made you smile: really smile? someone and i wish it could happen again..
You last yelled at: i dont want to...

Today did you:
Talk to someone you like: not someone id like to talk to..
Miss someone: yes, theres someone in particular..
Eat: binged!
Best feeling in the world: feeling complete.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: im gonna have to get rid of my teddy bears soon..
Who do you really hate: ill-mannered and rude ones..
What time is it now?: 12.13am

Random:
Is there a person who is on your mind now? yea...
Do you want children? definitely, one day. amin..
Do you smile often? id like to think so..
Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in? ---
What were you doing at 7:00 p.m. yesterday? getting ready to head to my granny's.
When did you cry last? today..
Where is the person you have feelings for right now? drifting...
Did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you now? yes..
Who was the last person you cried in front of? him.
Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you? yes, several times.
Are you loud or quiet most of the time? quiet and reserved...
Are you confident? when it counts, yea..

5 things on my to-do list today:
think.
think.
think.
stop.
breathe.

5 snacks I enjoy:
Nachos, Choki Choki, Snickers, Maltesers, Nagaraya.

5 of my bad habits:
eating before bed.
thinking too much.
keeping things bottled up inside.
eating anything i want.
observing.

Places I have lived in:
kiarong.
beribi.
hampstead.

i'll be fine..

2008-09-29T20:58:00.006+08:00

I think me and my sisters spent more than three hours in the kitch tryna make these Berlin donuts.. i was watching a tagalog movie before that, which had a scene of a woman and her kids at a donut house and thats was the reason for the impulsive decision of our first attempt at donut-baking. It didnt of course turn out as pretty as those in bakeries but it looked and tasted good enough. Two batches made, one had Nutella filling and the other had strawberry jam. We're gonna munch on them during our movie night later, as soon as the younglings finish playing futsal..

~Tracks~
click to listen/download

Vedera- Taking Chances

Vedera is an alternative pop rock band that has been on for a few years.. The have the sound that remind me of Six Pence None The Richer, which i like.. I was watching one of the episodes from The Hills and this song stood out to me the most, i just had to find out about it. The words are really nice and something i can easily relate to. After a long time, this particular song helped them earn the recognition they deserve. In life, there comes times when we would have to make important decisions that may bring changes.. And some of those decisions may involve risks, you may either benefit from it or stumble and fall.. This is a beautiful song, as similar as the feeling of knowing that in either decision you choose, someone's there to pick you up if you hit the ground. This song reminds me of this thing im in now..

"A simple phrase, a simple sound..
To find someway, know somehow..
To know that I can find a way to be with you.

And we keep growing..
As long as I keep growing, i'll be fine.
So let me find my footing now,
Along the bridge that I have found.

If I keep falling down somehow,
You know that you can turn me around."

Im having a slight headache tonight and my body hurts a bit. One thing that could easily make me feel better right now is being around Sam.. i really wish i could see him because im terribly missing him already.. :(

pull me back..

2008-09-28T17:20:00.007+08:00

Why is it easy to feel broken when you let your guard down.. Cant vulnerability be left alone and unguarded? I realize myself, to be the kinda person who would sometimes choose to run away from thoughts or things that have the potential to really break me down. However, that doesnt always work.. its hard, when my whole body feels just as broken as this heart..

Most often, id lie down, thinking and wishing love didnt have to be so complex. But its never gonna be so, because most have said that it has to be able to endure everything for it to be true..

Allow this sadness to fly away on the wings of time..

because i simply want to smile with the one i love the most.. i miss that and i miss him...

~Tracks~
click on title to listen/download

Chris Brown feat Keri Hilson- Superhuman
First version i heard of this was by James Fauntleroy last month, and i already loved it.. but now that this came out, i gotta say Chris Brown sang the song way better... Fauntleroy has good songs, its just that his nasally sound, gets me easily annoyed. Anyway, i wanna see the official music video to this, i wonder when will it be available.

"Weak.
I have been crying and crying for weeks..
How'd I survive when I can barely speak, barely eat..
On my knees..
You changed my whole life..
Don't know what you're doing to me with your love.
I'm feeling all superhuman, you did that to me..
A superhuman heart beats in me.
Nothing can stop me here with you.."

Britney Spears- Womanizer
Warning- this may be stuck in your head.. she's made for songs like those. She does look better though..

my eyes are glued..

2008-09-26T17:52:00.007+08:00

So psyched that the new season of Lipstick Jungle, Ugly Betty and Grey's Anatomy are finally out, so id get to watch them tomorrow... These will just be added to the list of my things to do. Its all ive been doing for weeks now, joblessly be a bum hooked on searching for torrents to watch everything from last year's shows to the new talked-about ones, ranging from reality, comedy to drama. Im not complaining tho, it helps in keeping me preoccupied but i do miss playing sports a lot.

Anyhoo, i tried watching this show called 'The Big Bang Theory' which came out last year... about a group of REAL geeks and a supposedly hot woman.. the dialogue of these men ultra high IQ, is very snappy and scientifically complex... so its definitely not one for the slow catcher... its Season 2 just came out.. il just keep watching it with hopes of it helping me polish these rusty scientific facts somewhere at the back of my memory.

I tried 'Privileged' too.. About two young, spoilt rich girls with a tutor who has to find a way to get their academic interest up and going.. and its hasnt been playing up to my expectations, but its alright for letting time pass...

i think that i have subconsciously turned myself into a tv-show junkie.. :S Gonna go tuck warm in bed now and play the latest episode of One Tree Hill.. its been going for quite a while now but im still loving the show!!

picture perfect

2008-09-16T21:22:00.002+08:00

Random fun. This picture was saved ages ago on my lappy. Find 7 hearts in this pretty pastel painting..

Beautiful isnt it :)

The sweetheart showed me a few bedroom pictures for future ideas *coughs* hehe they were all picture perfect and i found myself wanting certain features in all of it..

i love the calming oceanic feel of this light blue room..

i love the lavender wool carpet of this room along with the big panoramic viewing windows..

This one has a little bit of wealthy california touch.. classy pampering can toatally be done here, perhaps when im 30.. hehe

i loved the clean and chic opposites here.. black and white always looks good to me..

Doesnt it make you plan on building your very own dream house with perfectly furnished rooms.. heck it certainly made me want more than 5 bedrooms in mine! If only it rains cash...hehe but its not wrong to dream.. :)

magandang umaga!

2008-09-15T13:31:00.005+08:00

Mr.Sam is such a sweetheart. He woke me up this morning to stop me from oversleeping my usual bedtime hours.. like most days, he would blab much until he gets me wide awake to freshen up. Today, the moment i did, i let him in on this new item thats been the talk in my head for days.. this designer digital clutch by Vivienne Tam for HP which is sooo gorgeously lawa! Its got a red cover with the pink and purple peony flowers, which are also found inside, under the keypad. It holds a 10-inch screen and will only be available early next year. The accessories for this mini-notebook is also designed by Tam. I just knew that the peony flower is the national flower of China which symbolizes prosperity, good fortune and happiness.. *ignorant me* but oh yesss i will definitely have happiness if that was in my hand! I was thinking, wouldnt this be great on a wedding gangsa as part of the hantaran girls? ;) hehehe might sound over the top but if done to me, id say the groom nailed it!

My boyfriend said he'd personally call Tam up and order one in especially for me because he's apparently good friends with her and Jimmy Choo.. I replied to his sweet thoughtfulness politely, asking him to come back down to earth hehehe such sillyness made me laugh in the morning.. i love you boo.

U see that golden lining at the edge of the notebook, now that captivated my interest hehe Talk about the needs of a modern woman!

Now let me take some time to talk about one of the other things i love.. food. The creator of my birthday cake which happens to be a good friend of my sister, made some baking experiments and handed us some chocolate oreo truffles and snowy mooncakes to try, so kind :) Well, as expected they were delightfully goooood... she must have pretty good hands.

Extremely rich chocolate truffles with a soft moist oreo filling, powdered with cocoa dust.. the perfect desert after sungkai. Seriously good! I feel like sticking my finger into that picture for somemore..

There were two mooncakes, one was tiramisu and the other was green tea with red bean.. i tried both and loved the green tea one.. i dont drink coffee or eat anything with such flavor.. but my coffeecrazed sisters loved the tiramisu one which had a little bit of chocolate in it. These are not baked mooncakes, they're snow mooncakes and they taste way yummmier... :)

all in the bag of my head..

2008-09-14T12:13:00.007+08:00

I used 'The Hills' lastnight as my sleeping potion.. it worked on making my eyes heavy after five dramatic episodes.. but hey the drama isnt just one of the reasons im hooked, i love the clothes and accessories Lauren Conrad and the girls wear.. makes me dream of a shopping spree down there.. And i also envy the career they have, not being a reality star, but being involved in the world of art and fashion.. its a nice feeling to be doing something you love everyday.. sorry, just being a dreamy lady..

So, i was going through rundowns of the new york fashion week on the web, with hopes of wanting to see Zac Posens spring designs which i have come to love for its ruffles and wispy flow.. first gown i spotted was last year in a magaine.. a purple Posen worn by Lucy Liu that stuck in my mind and made me remember his work.. just look at the ruffles on her shoulders and that train.. so regal..

After that picture, which i managed to find again on the net, id been looking forward to seeing others he created.. Lawa banar, seriously! and i dont know how where he gets his ideas and how he executes them into such beautiful pieces, but it works.. and sure is a wonder because he's only a talented 27! I compiled eight dresses from the recent show he had that took my breath away.. i favored the red and the blue the most.. uber-maganda!! if only.....sigh~

I think a major reason for me being a fan of Mr. Posen is because of the ruffles and layers he doesnt leave out.. i am a girl of lace and ruffles and i love such on dresses, bags, lingerie, shoes.. anywhere.. its just so feminine and so me hehe Oh speaking of ruffles, two weeks ago, i found an Italian shoe designer, Bruno Frisoni who made these very very beautiful peep toes that had ruffles on it.. it stole my heart and then broke it because it was a million miles out of reach! the one beside it is fine too, i find the thick ankle strap very hot. If only i can find similar ones much closer than France or Italy! The bottom two are his designs for Roger Vivier, the inventor of stilettos.. look at the lavender rose one, its red heel has a thorn.. creative yea..

Being a woman can feel a little unfair sometimes.. u fall in love with so many things.. i dont see men constantly drooling over the latest handbags and shoes the way we do.. hehe

Im gonna go check on my laundry now.. you see, im not always lazy, i do clean my own things now.. hehe anyway, i decided to do that today to help me keep my mind off food.. because my tummy is now suffering from the consequence of skipping sahur :( When thats done, im gonna throw out things i dont need. Please make time tick faster by this spring-cleaning i've planned..

Tracks

2008-09-13T01:17:00.009+08:00

~Tracks~
click on titles to listen/ download

Usher- Still Me
For me, the best beat so far after 'Love In This Club', because "I Can't Win" was just so-so.. but only now can i say that he brought his game back..

RL- Take it Back
im currently liking the sound of this one.. there's nothing more attractive than a guy who isnt afraid of admitting he screwed up and begs for another chance to love you better right ;) thats the right way to man up.

Tank- Injured Reserve
deep deep deep.. for the scarred and scared heart thats afraid to trust again.. i was once in that position of not wanting to fall to far.. but im glad im over it now, it just takes someone gaining your trust and helping you realize that there are some people worth trusting your heart with.. another good one by tank who does not disappoint much..

So Chic..

2008-09-11T17:05:00.004+08:00

I was browsing the web hours ago and came across this..

Victoria Beckham with a new hair do.. the pixie crop cut! i do think it suits her well and have no doubt that girls are going to follow this everywhere now.. but theres no way i would, i miss having long strands and i want them back! *patiently waiting*

i love her falsies and damn that ring.. sigh~ hehe

Just remember..

2008-09-10T19:43:00.008+08:00

I had some time to scrap more tonight.. just a simple piece to remind someone that he means so much to me..

When time gets surrounded by silence, i cant help but think of you..

you've been on my mind..

Ive chosen no to use bloggers picasa web album as the image host for pictures on my blog and stick to photobucket.. it can be very time consuming to copy and deal with the codes.. i screwed up a few old posts which was linked to my photobucket. Unfortunately some links to pictures were gone.. one of them, the post with this scrap on it which got tampered.. but.. there, republished.

p/s: i love you..

I won't skip class anymore..

2008-09-10T13:02:00.008+08:00

I didnt have the time or thoughts on what to blog about yesterday.. also not much on an interview i went because it was pretty short and unexpected.. but i bumped into some friends that i havent seen for quite some time and that made the trip there worthwhile :) its only at times like these, that id begin to notice that transitory state and reminisce about uni-mates and lecture days.. i miss speedily writing down notes trying to catch every word the professor says.. i miss Mr Walker with his raising voice saying "you delinquents" every time me and my friends come late for class.. i miss anticipating for two hour lecture and boring tutorials to end.. i miss waiting at the pit stop corner at the end of the faculty building with my friends as we talk random musings about pretty much everything.. i miss walking through book loaded shelves at the library..

basically, i pretty much miss everything i've been doing everyday for the past four years.. i now understand in every sense.. the thought and feeling that comes with the same phrase i've been hearing in the past from most of my seniors: "trust me, you'll miss it.." because now i really do.

Anyway.. here are some photos taken from last night's terawih.. Little Fix down there sure makes terawih a lot more fun by her presence.. especially when she goes around doing random things like throwing her socks on someones prayer mat.. naughty kid! hahaha

"The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.."

2008-09-07T23:27:00.002+08:00

Please help me remember that i'm not meant to know whats going to happen.. and im meant to be patient through my faith..

because the silence has made me forget and has left it strained..

if i fail, excuse myself.. because i only meant well...

Now im left to keep telling myself for hope... that, its not the last chapter.

cho- co- la- te - Tamis!

2008-09-06T20:19:00.011+08:00

Daymm.. i still cant get the image of that warm melted chocolate topping on the cupcake i had three nights ago out of my head! everytime i think of it, my taste buds leak.. nyaman ah.. i asked for more but there was none left.. its a bummer that Bakerlyn only takes in early orders and there are non made to be bought on the spot.. Thanks to Fe for being so thoughtful and just getting me ONE! *pero dont worry ate, gusto parin kita, kase on priday u are going to ply away to da Ukay* ;p haha

Kim Kardashian's official picture of Dancing With The Stars got out days ago.. Her partner for this season is pro dancer, Mark Ballas... Im not sure on what to say about it, but honestly i predict that a lot of criticisms are going to come her way. She's nice, but being too gentle wont make her movements and posture stand out.. but we'll see, i may be wrong.. hehe i doubt she'll stay long especially if her rivals are former N'Sync's Lance Bass and Toni Braxton.. if she does stay tho, must be the men out there voting her in.. hahaha

thumping sounds and echoes

2008-09-05T16:30:00.006+08:00

It felt like the whole house was moving this morning.. i dont know why these headaches have been accompanying my wake ups for three days now.. it so annoying and i hate it.. if i was fasting i wouldnt have been able to take in panadol, so it was a relief that im caught on the periodic table.. Its just so not the right time to bug or get on my bad side.. I watched Dirty Sexy Money before finding the energy to get up and stretch.. ok lah jua the show, again a bunch of people swimming in a pool of cash.. sigh~some people are just damn lucky in life.. It doesnt get me excited but its worth watching on a free bummin' hour.. i might blog more later.. i need some rest now before my head bursts :(

Bring it back, those memories..

2008-09-04T15:40:00.012+08:00

You see, i never did catch the classic Beverly Hills 90210 series that was a hit back in the 90's, when i was at the age of perhaps 8 or 10.. all i could remember about it then was how girls older than me were sooooo into Luke Perry.. and i remember some of my primary school classmates having stickers of him in their pencil cases and even making name cards with his photo at the background.. classic, those were the days.. hehe

Out with...... the Old. In with......... The New.

Anyway, i decided, why not give this new 2008 spin off a try.. i downloaded it and... i'll say 90210 it is not bad! i do guarantee that girls out there watching it would have the word *biaaatch* several times through out the first episode though.. Come on, a show about rich young adults in a city of designer shop heaven and parties.. the typical plot of spoilt brats clinged to drama and fashion! Yes thats predictable pulang but its set on Beverly Hills, nothing much to expect apart from that... this can be addictive to watch, and although i havnt gone ga-ga for the actors on it, the female characters all have very pretty faces that its scary and can be intimidating to watch.. look below hehe! Cant wait for next week's follow up.

~Tracks~
click on title to listen/download

Jordyn Taylor- Stop Tellin' Lies To Me

I deleted most of her tracks on my playlist because it started to sound a bit annoying after a short period of replays.. her voice isnt all that, but her looks sure make up for it.. shes pretty.. and reminds me of Nicole Scherzinger of the PCD.. but a version with less age and heavy makeup hehe this song however, will do for me, at least for maybe two days haha yes i get bored of the same songs easily!

miss na miss ko na sya..

2008-09-02T21:33:00.009+08:00

Oh yes, welcome welcome September! i look forward to this downloading season and more of episodes from several series i have been addicted to and waiting for.. The first episodes of One Tree Hill Season 6, Greek Season 2 and Gossip Girl Season 2 aired in the US yesterday, so they're available for us to watch too!! I successfully completed downloading the first episode of Greek 2 minutes ago and im definitely gna watch it tonight. I miss the funny comebacks of Rusty and Cappie so that wont make me want to wait. If you any of you havnt watched Greek yet, you should!! the characters are silly, witty and cool..

Ive been surfing and flipping through pages looking at pictures captured from the shoots of GG and prevented well the accidental reading of critics and spoilers.. from the pictures taken, damn ill say, the clothing montage on this next season are to adorable! theyre simple, chic and uber-cute talaga! *pinay accent on* oh yun, u see u see, oh diba? nakaka inis! haha Episodes One of GG and One Tree Hill should be progressing on download rates now.. i can hardly wait!

Late this afternoon, one of the maids that brought up a few younger sisters of mine, including Manz, left us to go back to the Philippines for good.. She served my family for approximately 15 years.. Goodbyes are always sad.. but positive thoughts now, perhaps we'll meet again one day. God bless her and provide her with care.

Look, one of my youngest sisters Fix, got her right eyelid bitten by a mosquito i think.. kesian.. it bulged swollen but she seemed fine and not bothered by her distorted eyeview.. hehe

Love me and il love you back..

2008-09-01T18:30:00.011+08:00

I love weddings, simple or extravagant, there will always be something that makes it beautiful.. be it the gown, the venue, the gifts, the decor, or the visible and heartfelt aura of happiness and love.. Dresses are the one thing that matters for us women, for sure hehe! And this dress is one of the designs that really really captured my interest and attention.. it was a 2007, couture Angel Sanchez designed wedding gown designed for Eva Longoria's wedding.. ive seen a lot of dresses but this one just had me completely in love. The intricate design of the long plushy train is so dreamy and lawa.. i want, can kah? please... huhuhu..

*bad bad bad* i guiltily shoved in two little pieces of over-sweet cake just after pilates.. haiyo. Fifteen minutes to go before sembahyang terawih.. thing is, im having these monthly tummy cramps! i hope i wont get shot so id be able to join the rest tonight and fast tomorrow too.

~Tracks~
click on titles to listen/download

J.Holiday- Fly

sometimes, you just gotta let it go.. if it comes back, then only you know its yours..

Jojo - Can't Believe It
I've always loved her voice and cant wait to hear more new tracks from her.. this one's not bad, but im sure there are better.. leak!! hehehe

RL- Forever
"i dont need all those things.. your love is what makes me rich.. all i need is one thing, love me forever" ;)

can i have that pink one for free? hehe

2008-09-01T11:25:00.004+08:00

Hello again :) please dont blame me for my uninspired thoughts and disapearance for two blogging days.. i tried and tried but just didnt manage to be on a level that made me want to type my thoughts down. For the most, id just stare at the screen while my thoughts unravel but leave me motionless.. macam-macam has been happening and i myself have been feeling craptastic by headaches, eye strains and all that sick sort.. Apart from the day my boyfriend came over.. that was enlightening.. i'm terribly missing him already :(

Anyhoots, my sister Fe's package arrived yesterday from Singapore.. she apparently has started an online retail business selling Holga cameras.. a film camera thats made of plastic and sure looks like something a kid can throw around and drop like its just another toy when theres a better toy insight to grab.. hehe only the one with the pink exterior caught my eye, atupun because the color screamed out femininity.. hehe how much is she selling it for, i forgot.. but all are less than $100.. so those interested in lomography, go order fast! mention my name and you get a special discount.. haha j/k.

i have some more in mind to say.. but il leave that for later.. ciao..

Life is overrated, but i hope that it gets better as we go..

2008-08-29T01:19:00.004+08:00

I feel lonely and completely saturated by an emotion thats so difficult for me to describe right now.. My eyes are starting to feel weary, and im so tired but my mind wont let me rest.. it keeps running, as if im too conscious and aware.. so aware that theres a really serious matter i have to thoroughly think about.. im tired of facing it because its slowly eating me up, but running away from it doesnt change anything for the better.. i feel stuck in something i dont want to have.. All i keep asking, is why does it have to be this way over and over again.. And no answers, except for this voice in my head that says "leave it".. i have never had anything quite like this before.. and im sure its nothing anyone would want to have.. all i'm left with is another voice from my heart..

I know there's got to be an end to all this, if only someone could throw me a lifeline.. Sorry if the description of my problem seems a bit obscure, id jut rather not talk about it in detail here now..

Damn it.. its past 2am, and i still cant get this outta my mind, i need a place my thoughts can escape to. Theres a song ive had for years on my file that i've been playing a few times tonight.. for a reason, at this moment, i can relate to it with so much meaning and it tugged on my heart the way it never did.. :'(

3DoorsDown- Here Without You
-click to listen/download-

But all the miles that separate, disappear now when im dreaming of your face.

I'm here without you baby,
But you're still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby,
And I dream about you all the time..
I'm here without you baby,
But you're still with me in my dreams...
And tonight, its only you and me.

Everything I know, and anywhere I go..
It gets hard but it wont take away my love.
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done,
It gets hard but it wont take away my love.

Macam-Macam.. I dont know..

2008-08-28T11:23:00.005+08:00

5 hours since these eyes have opened up to another day without sun exposure.. *bleurgh* Anyway, lunch was good today, just really really hot!! i had sambal indon with tempe which was over padas and sayur kailan which i love love love.. i then wanted to make myself a glass of teh tarik, which i failed and gave up after two trials, so i substituted that craving with water..

As usual, i updated myself with things happening around the world, less or none on environmental politics though *my bad* hehe Oh now let me take some time to blog about the current trend, called the "2009 Boyfriend Jeans".. Why the name, well apparently, this was what i read.. it has the slouch, the looseness and the rolled up bottoms (because a boyfriend would usually have longer legs?).. *nyeh* ive seen pictures of Katie Holmes trying the trend several times and honestly, i dont think it looks so good on her.. *sorry* but i surely love rachel bilson's look.. very casual and laid back yet edgy.. i think it depends on how one brings it and the top that goes with it as well.. should girls here try and enter the club? haha

Oh i saw the new couture doll too.. it has sunglasses and a high collar, made to look like Karl Lagerfeld. And although only 1500 of these are made and sold world-wide, i was more stunned by the price, about US$1,500 each.. haiyoyo, imagine what better things i can buy with that! I'd buy non-stick cooking pans, a good egg beater, a collection of herbs, a permanent island table and more kitchenware for home.. sigh~ hehehe the fashion world can sometimes seem a bit unreasonable. I mean come on, for a bear.. hmm.. those who wouldnt know the designer-icon would see the bear and perhaps go "Eh, patung men-in-black ni, dari KL kah?" *sorry wah, thoughts rambling*

Oh i was watching this video lastnight when i was going through Britain's X-Factor videos.. This little girl, Connie Talbot, who won it lastyear is simply adorable.. her voice is amazing and angelic.. very pure and touching to the soul.. so cute this girl!

Hearts all over the world tonight..

2008-08-27T17:18:00.012+08:00

As said yesterday, i needed a breather and at least a bit of time to get out of this lazy cave ive been in.. so i did. I went to watch my sisters the M&M strut their yoga stuff in UBD, which was part of celebrating the World Heart Day.. *so spread the love people* Below are pictures of the M&M dolls and Manz doing a pose not leaving her *coughs* ipanemas :p

For lunch, i had Sicilian Pizza and the-usual order,Funghi Trifoliate.. Along with that came a late present from Sam. I shook the box and at first guessed it to be a box of chocolates and a mug or picture frame.. A few minutes later, i opened the wrapper and paused with an "Oh My God!!" *gobsmacked, cheeks red with a big smile on my face*

It was a DC! He got me whats known to be the toughest and most advanced Cybershot W series- the W300. Sophisticated and top-of-the-line, which he says sounds just like me.. hahaha you mister sweetlips :P

Thanks baby.. the way you surprised me was impressive and heart-stirring.. you're awesome at spoiling me rotten.. *tsk tsk bad* damn i feel like Gabrielle Solis now hehe.. but know that whats important is that you keep loving me the way that i love you.. it felt so good seeing you today, i cant wait for the next time because im missing you already..

Gusto ko yan..

2008-08-26T15:34:00.013+08:00

I was stoked when i found out that Kim Kardashian is officially going to join Dancing With The Stars this September! I cant wait to watch her try to dance professionally.. im guessing im gonna have to keep up with it when it starts on the 22nd only via Youtube *darn* i love Kim, im a fan of her show, her style and i really think shes nice and sweet, just like me.. :p pfft.. hahaha

~Tracks~
~click to listen/ download~

Brandy- First and Love

Brandy- Porceline

Brandy- Throw It All Away

Christina Milian- One Kiss

So just to let you know, ive updated the links on the side of this blog and placed several websites that sell clothes, bags, accessories and others, locally.. I found most products to be imports from other countries.. Like them or not, people have individual taste and preferences.. I linked them for convenience, fun and times of random surfing :) Oh by the way, i just found out that theres a two week Great Bag Sale for the Victoria's Secret stuff sold around, which apparently started on the 23rd. Only two items caught my eye.. It was the VS Tan bag which is $68 (u.p $88) & the VS Red Very Sexy Monogram Bag (price n.a).. damn, they look so hot, dont they!.... sigh~

If you wish to see the local site that offers Victoria's Secret products [click here]

The plot of "My Sassy Girl" felt draggy..i got the story idea about 30 minutes before it ended as the start was a bit complicated. Funny how i only found myself interested when it finished and wanted a little more, pasal so kesian rupanya the storyline but that was only revealed in the end :) In general, it was all about understanding destiny.. Some people wait for things to happen, and wait for fate to take its course.. but forget that destiny also needs you to build that bridge for it to happen.. build yourself that bridge to help lead you to what you want.. what you wish for... or who you love..

My dvd player is currently spinning "Dont Mess With The Zohan".. Adam Sandler acts here as an Israeli Special Forces Soldier and is one of my favorite comedians.. this movie wont let you down if you love over the top weird humor.. and as usual, it also stars his sidekick Rob Schneider who calls himself "Salim" on it.. I wont spoil it here.. so catch it in cinemas or get a clear dvd :) i did the latter because i converted into a good stay at-home girl since the past coupla weeks.. hahahaha! but im breaking it tomorrow coz i miss the sunshine.. i miss my boo.

Guilty Pleasure

2008-08-25T17:10:00.008+08:00

I just filled myself with the last slice of my birthday cake.. i warmed it up, and the chocolate cream layers were oooozing out and dripping down the sides.. the sight was heavenly.. and i felt sad having to eat it.. but my mouth just couldnt resist.. to my sweetest cake, im gonna miss you and your rich chocolate-spoilt taste.. forgive me for stuffing you in my stomach, do know that there has been nothing better in my mouth than you.. sigh~ *yes yes.. i know im sounding rather sad n dramatic hahaha but i really loved it ok!* :P p/s: thanks baby, for helping me make it happen.. sayang you brabis.

The Love That Makes Me Weak..

2008-08-25T13:20:00.009+08:00

I am home 'alone' now, Manz is out and the rest of the homies are either out in school or snoring & drooling in their beds.. its past 12 now and the house is still so quiet. Im gonna watch another movie to kill time, this time its Sassy Girl for the second time. I played it two nights ago, but fell asleep half way, so i'll see if this time Elisha Cuthbert will manage to catch a longer attention span from me.

Made of Honour is sweet.. With nothing in mind to do, i woke up this morning and chose to watch it on DVD.. You can clearly see Patrick Dempsey ageing on it, but i think his charms got the best of the audience's fancy, so i understand why girls go nuts about him despite his level of maturity hehe There.. i tried putting that in the nicest way possible, because he can act well, but he's just no eye candy to me :P

Oh lastnight, i received a late birthday present from my sister Fe.. I have to say, im really happy for the five shirts she got me, mostly from Esprit.. There's one with an apple on it. Why?? Because when I was about 2 or three, i was called the "apple" of the family and she was "strawberry", im not sure why, but im guessing it was because of my round fat face.. hehe but that was yonks ago ok! The "Little Miss Sunshine" shirt, will perhaps symbolize the way I am to her, i brighten up her days.. *cheh, i know she'll puke reading that* haha There's another that says "Good vibe" with a fish on it.. *err.. i still dont get it, but the fish on it is cute hehe* Anyway, two of the others are my favourite, one says "Dance" & the other says "Music Lover". Brilliant choice sister!!

P/s: i sometimes forget how nice you can be but i'll tell you that it surely made my day ;) haha! oh and one more thing, i dont care how mean or loud or annoying you can be, i still love you :P

~Tracks~
click to listen/download

Joe- Start Over Again
Sometimes, days dont go the way you want them to, but you know its worth sticking through because what you feel is real and u'd do anything to keep it together..

Attozio- Every Piece of My Heart
This one is a sweet love song :)

Sonny Blaq- Messages
Tell me you're my man and i'll tell you im you're baby.. ;)

Blessed as I turned 23..

2008-08-24T12:08:00.019+08:00

The clock showed past 3am when i finally got into bed to rest after such a long day.. It started off with grocery shopping, then a lunch with a small blowout surprise by my two sisters at a restaurant, then a private little cake surprise by my boyfriend.. After, i headed back home to do the dinner preparations for the night.. Which completed in the nick of time just before i had to go and do the first cutting-cake ceremony for my parents.. When that was done, what followed was a second one downstairs during dinner.. Phew.. a lotta cakes in one day! But i loved it.. :)

Here are some photos of the cakes I had for my 23rd..

To sum up, my 23rd was amazing.. Thanks to everyone who helped out and made it possible.. Special thanks to Manz, who was there from the start.. my sisters for all the gifts.. and to Sam who's presence was the best part of my day.. i love you guys! :)

~Track~
(click to listen/download)

Pussycat Dolls feat R.Kelly- Outta This Club
(nice.. he likes it and so do i.. :))

Twenty Three is The Number.

2008-08-23T09:59:00.004+08:00

I woke up today with a voice singing the birthday song.. and after found several greetings on my phone.. What does it feel like, turning 23? There isn't much difference, except that you get to have more control over how you want your day to be.. and people are a lot nicer to you.. :P how i wish my birthday was everyday hahaha First things first, i gotta get ready and rush out to buy some food for tonight.. ive decided to preparing dinner later as a treat to my siblings.. Nothing lavish, just a simple, warm, home-cooked, easy dinner to fill the "always" hungry stomachs of the mafia fam.. hahaha Italian-styled menu, there's gonna be pizza, pasta, herb-roasted chicken with mushroom sauce and desert.. i hope everything will taste as good as i want them to.

I gotta go now and let my day begin :)

For What Its Worth.

2008-08-22T17:47:00.003+08:00

Finally :)!! It took me about a week to finish this new layout for my Blogger site.. I have thought for quite some time now, to switch to Blogger, and i finally did it. It wasnt easy and dealing with the HTML codes for this classic template was a major headache, but i got them figured out after some time handling with the ropes.. whats worse is that i had to go through them codes twice, one for mine and another for my sister, who also revamped her blog after she got inspired by a little Photoshop tutorial from me.. hehehe she still owes me a "thank you" :p

Apart from that, id say its been close to a week since I've blogged. Sorry for those who've checked for updates on posts or music links. Will be regularly posting up in here today onwards :) For now, Id say im glad life piece's are slowly starting to fall back into place, well at least i think so *in need for some positive enlightenment* things have been quite hard these past week and not everything seemed to be right, but today im somehow feeling a lot better.. aside from this continuous throbs i get in my head, which even panadol doesnt cure.. Oh the parental units got back today from their S'pore trip.. Mom got me a pair of flipflops.. im sure theres got to be more! Well at least from my sibs who went.. hahaha.

So tomorrow is my big day.. sigh~ i hope it'll be a day of laughter for me.. Turning 23 was something i've had on my mind since I was 18.. One, because i love the number.. Two, because of the year i love- 2008.. and three, because of the special plans I had for this particular year.. I've gotten to learn how things may not always go according to what you arrange for yourself.. So as for that special plan I made, its not canceled, just postponed.. hehe

I hope the cake tastes good tomorrow.. i just wonder how it'll look.. :) if i could make my own birthday cake, it'll surely be rich, yummy and huge, perhaps a four tiered one.. hehe yes i can be that dreamy, but alright, back to ground, i cant bake that well.. so any simple chocolate cake will do.. Just make it rich!

Below is the video to Keri Hilson's track, Energy.. i still like the song a lot for the lyrics.. enjoy :)

just one deep heart..

Good Friday.

This really is something new..

Something for Love

Thursday Thunks

Ang pag-ibig at pasakit ay iisa..

Grandpa's 80th Birthday

Thursday Thunks

Wednesday Wierdness

Friday Fill-ins

Manic Monday

I love Fridays for this! :)

Thirteen Questions

TMI Tuesday

Randomness

Saturday Six

Loving those blank spaces!

Jan 29 - Thursday Thunks

Little Words.. Little Wonders..

Click Flash

Chocolate this- Chocolate that

Faith. Hope. Change. The Dream.

*sings* "Happy Birthday to You... " Again!

Maligayang Bati Sayo, Nazo! :)

Cookie Jar

Say what you need to..

Music = Soulfood

All you need is Love.

Iwie's twenty first..

Obi misses England

More of NY' 09

Welcome 2009

One Saturday Crossed Out..

Help me..

Eight Minutes

my strength from you..

Candles and Cupcakes

The clarity of this heart i gave to you..

Tear stains on my pillow..

Because when I have no one, I have you..

I wish you were here...

Call it how you see it..

Maligayang Bati Sayo, Hannan! :)

is there a better place to be... a light at the end of the storm?

A taste of heaven.. and another one.

thank you.. you.. and you..

On my graduation day..

Beautiful things.. beautiful people..

No matter what i do.. i cant forget to forget you..

Lily flowers on a red wall..

good.. lovable.. kind..happy..

Dont burst the bubble yet..

Super Stoked for Saturdays with S..

A song for you..

just because i am bored..

Gue lapar banget..

i am watching..

This is me.. This is the truth.. This is love.. It endures.. It is you.

Eid Mubarak '08

Im sorry.. and i love you.

Tagged by Fe

i'll be fine..

pull me back..

my eyes are glued..

picture perfect

magandang umaga!

all in the bag of my head..

Tracks

So Chic..

Just remember..

I won't skip class anymore..

"The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.."

cho- co- la- te - Tamis!

thumping sounds and echoes

Bring it back, those memories..

miss na miss ko na sya..

Love me and il love you back..

can i have that pink one for free? hehe

Life is overrated, but i hope that it gets better as we go..

Macam-Macam.. I dont know..

sings "Happy Birthday to You... " Again!